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A trial separation with firmer time lines sounds better. If she's neglecting you as a spouse, why would she do any better as FWB or friend? Wouldn't that just be more neglect? I'm glad you told her you will not remain in limbo forever. But don't accept "scraps" either-- not "scraps FWBs," and...

I'm sorry to hear that. I guess at this point you decide if you are filling it in and will go to the courthouse to file it. Or if you are going to postpone doing that til ____? Do you kow your limit? Or are you at or past limit already? She sounds pretty checked out. The lies are not...

Glad it helps you some. Being seen in context matters. There's poly education to catch up on, then. Why do you push it back? Or accept a "creeping" deadline? I don't get why allowing him to stay is a moral choice. It's just being roomies on a lease. There IS a lease, right? Not just him...

I’m sorry. This sounds hard -- like a variant of poly hell. Maybe even amped up because you are neurodivergent. Just too much togetherness here. From what you describe, what started as a contained, sexual exploration has grown into an ongoing romantic poly relationship, and now the BF is...

I'm sorry this is happening. It sounds like poly hell for you since you both jumped in underprepared and not really on the same page. You were thinking "hall pass" like one and done. She was thinking long term poly relationship even if too new to use the word "polyamory" until recently. The...

Is that why he was so pushy about wanting to come over, even though you told him no, because you had your work trip and wanted that to go smoothly? He doesn't want you having more time apart, and realizing this relationship is messed up, or having time to check in with other people who would...

Solo poly does not mean swanning about all entitled and using people. It just means you are your own primary -- because of school or demanding career or whatever it is. You do not want things like marriage, shared finances, cohabitation, or similar. Solo polyamorous people value their...

I don't know if this helps you any. To me, this is weird: So he decided not to date her because she's a cheater. I don't get why your shared agreements are "no past lovers," rather than "no cheaters." But ok. It is what it is. So now he wants to date this cheater. That's kinda weird. If...

Glad you had the conversation with L, and have ended it more firmly, and there's no more of this "casual sex" thing you were doing together as exes. It drags out the break-up and doesn't give emotional clarity. Best to be cordial coparents only and not be lovers anymore. If you don't need the...

My father acted like that and would shout that it was HIS house and we were HIS kids so we had to do what HE said. Some parents do not support their children's actual grown and independence. My question is what do you think? Over here? It is my house. I raised my kids to knock on bedroom...

Of course it is hard. First break-ups are like double load. It's not just breaking up with the person. It's dealing with a break-up for the first time ever. You don't even know how to take care of yourself, the things you like to have that comfort you, how long each stage of grief usually lasts...

I think it’s okay to leave the breakup as it is. It wasn’t a graceful ending, but now that it’s done, it should stay done. You two don’t really get along and aren’t compatible. The stuff about bonding over medical issues or video game habits isn’t the real issue. Trust was already broken before...

This is hard to read with initials. Could you please be willing to change to fake names? Maybe generic animals -- Koala (you), Dog(male) and Deer (female). I'm going to use those in my post, but I'm happy to change with what you want. I think you go ahead with your exit plan. Both you and your...

IS he dictating, though? Or just stating his own limitations? Like, you are free to develop this friend thing into a full-blown relationship if you want to, but if that's the case, Phil prefers to bow out, because he's only been dating you for 2 mos, and is only at the start of learning about...

I'm sorry this happened this way. In your other post from Feb you said she wanted to open and you did not. The decent thing to do with that kind of incompatibility would have been for her to break up politely with you first, before moving on. Your GF said she's emotionally monogamous and...

I can see this is hard for you. You have broken up twice with both of them, but keep drifting back. Maybe it is time to stop the drift, and develop stronger boundaries? E has ended things. He set a limit for himself: as long as you are involved with L, he cannot continue dating you. That’s his...

This sounds like a really important conversation for you. The fact that you were able to stay present, feel your anger, and not just fold into apologizing or smoothing things over for Max so he's comfy— that’s a big deal. It also sounds like you’re realizing that love alone isn’t enough for a...

Glad it helps you some. You can ask the couple therapist and the individual therapist. They will let you know if it's ok or not according to their policies. This is why I suggest you stop telling him new things. It's just new fuel for him to twist. I'm not saying to lie or be inauthentic...

You could date neither Ron nor Max. Be on your own for a while. See what the peace of being on your own as a healed person feels like. You've been dating Max 7 years, and if you are in your 30s now, were you in your early 20s when you started dating Max? Is he your first young adult...

I think you are going to have to set emotions aside and look at the actual behaviors. That may have been the case in the past. But lately Max is not nurturing. He's very controlling and moody and basically bad for your mental health. This is your goal -- developing healthier boundaries...