Search results

Hi JAG, Hmmm. Ok, I'll be honest here. What I'm hearing is that these guidelines aren't actually working. Tweaking them to have more clarity is a really good thing. However, I'm concerned that when the time comes, it won't matter that they exist. Guidelines based on insecurities (i.e...

Hi and welcome, I'm so sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time. For what it's worth, I've been where you are now and I completely empathise. The first question I have is: how long have you guys been together? Is she any newer to poly than you are? Have you both had a lot of...

I'm renown for giving nicknames... some more desirable than others ~grins~ I do have different pet names for each partner. These are based very much on individual contexts, so I don't use them interchangeably. However, I will also call most partners and friends "gorgeous", "darling", etc. My GF...

Hi Sweety, and welcome :) If I could add anything to what others have said, and what you have already said, it would only be that it can be good to remember to ask others what they need. So often, we take it upon ourselves to ensure that we are balancing time/energy/whatever else (especially if...

Hi ticipa, and welcome! I understand how the area you live in and the upbringing you have had pose challenges when considering biting the bullet and being open! I have a hunch that you'd be perfectly fine to simply raise the topic with either/both of them relatively directly. If you're...

I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with what you want. It simply is what you want. As long as you can find a girl who also wants the exact same thing, I don't see an ethical issue. However, finding a girl like this is probably going to be your first challenge. Your second...

Hi Rachelina, I can feel how catastrophic your current situation is. Something clearly needs to change here. It would be easy for me to advise you to ask her to move out if you hadn't expressed that you don't want to separate your children. I agree with that sentiment. However, I don't think...

Hi trueunicorn, and welcome. I'm truly sorry to hear that you are going through heartbreak and confusion. I hope I/we can help. Firstly, I have often found that people who are extremely quick to declare highly intense feelings (to me, quick is before even a month has passed) are often likely...

Welcome PixieKitten, I certainly do have experience with this! My primary and I live in entirely different countries - 5,000miles/8,000km apart. We have done this for over 3 years now. Let's see what advice I can offer you. I have thought about this too. It is, of course, a question that...

You sound like you have a deep compassion and understanding for your wife. I think that what you are going through is perfectly natural, given your/her exploration with poly for that one year and the fact that you have never fully experienced another woman. I have been there and I understand...

Hi guys, So, I'm just going to get straight down to it. In our poly V, we've always had a rule about practicing safe sex with others. When this has involved PIV sex, condoms have always been a requirement. However, my GF recently had sex with her current secondary for the first time...

Hi friendly, While people do behave badly towards us at times, it's important to remember that most situations between two people involve two perspectives and two people who could have behaved differently in one way or another. It is far better, and easier on your heart, to practice forgiveness...

I'm also very sure your wife is going through NRE. The funny thing about NRE is that when we enter monogamous relationships, we don't often have anyone else to worry about, so we look at NRE as 'being in love', when really, I'd say it's the stage before falling in love. It's more of an...

Hi Kitten, I try to look at poly in terms of the health level of each individual relationship rather than the act of being poly itself. I do think that of course there can be an overlap... losing yourself in one person can create damage in another relationship, for example. But if a...

Hi Hope, I really feel for you in this situation. How much dating time was had before you all moved in together a month ago? Was there any time at all to get used to this? I'm not seeing a childish temper tantrum at all. It took over a year for my girlfriend's husband to be on board with us...

Is he still in love with his wife and she with him? Why are you specifically more comfortable starting a triad with someone you both know that searching for a partner together? What is his preference? Why does he want a triad inclusive of her if they are divorcing? I'm not sure I understand...

Hi Mirky, I think the advice given here is wonderful so far and it seems like you are taking it in and thinking about it. I just wanted to add a few things in the hope of helping you to achieve clarity in your situation. I just read through your earlier thread. It seems like this situation...

Hi Araneidae, I think this is an interesting topic. Firstly, it's great that you are all actually open to the possibility of more children. Secondly, it's great that you have a few years to think and talk about it! Honestly, it's good to consider it. However, I truly don't subscribe to...

Hi Mina, Interesting question. As an extension of what London said, I definitely feel that many poly problems arise when two people have different approaches towards love, relationships, sex and poly - whatever those differences may be. This is because it makes it more difficult to understand...

Hi Svens, It is of course possible. This kind of relationship is called a poly V, where one person has two partners, but the partners are not involved in a romantic/sexual relationship with each other. The two guys are 'metamours' (i.e. 'love of my love'). As for the guys wanting to be...