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You could just ask, "Hey meta, I'm hoping to develop a ____ relationship with you. It's been a while now and I'm just not sure you are interested in that. Could you share your thoughts on that?"

Nothing worse than feeling violated. If she had unprotected sex with you after not using a condom and not disclosing that fact, she took away your autonomy over your body and consent. Both of those are very hurtful and dismissive of your feelings and you as a person. Add that you had an...

Yes, it happens in poly too. And I agree, it's weird and unhealthy. I'm just thinking in terms of NRE being like a drug. The more time you spend (the more you take) the more you want, and the weaker your ability to see the person for who they are. The more likely you are to make poor decisions...

This sounds gross to me. I don't ever want to be responsible for my partners love life. It doesn't work that way. It took me less than a month to find 2 good partners after opening. I'm still with them. 3 years later my now ex (still trying to be poly) has dated many but found none. Took him a...

Two crash and burns in a month...let her grieve. I know it's hard, on both sides. She is grieving and depressed. Although she knows your win was big and probably wants to want to celebrate it with you, she really doesn't. Depression makes it so you just cannot feel other feelings, especially...

It sounds like she doesn't regulated feelings well, gets wrapped up emotionally in people who are strangers, creating a fantasy scenario in her head, so when it goes south she is devastated and it brings on depression. In her depression she can't even see you and your needs because she is so...

Only you can answer this. Be mindful that trysts in the park are very different from relationships. Your wife may find relationships to be too much. Your concern is valid and 100% in your control. The question is, will you do the work to recognize that you are being distracted from those...

It sounds like you already have a qpr with your friend. You could talk to them to see if they think it fits too. If so, apply the label. It is possible for your girlfriend and friend to develop whatever relationship they are comfortable with. If it happens naturally then I see nothing wrong...

Love this story and yes, super brave on the first meet! I would see exceptions for LD partners for sure. Depending on how frequently you see each other and the level of distance could play a big role on how long the trip is for. I have one comet. I don't go visit him, but he works here three...

It sounds like monogamy would be the preferred love style for you. I hope you find that again in a woman that will give it all back to you and more.

As I read through, I see "new meta", "transitions are coming upon us at a quicker rate than any of us has anticipated," "cohabitating," and "marriage." As I read between the lines, I'm wondering if this is an international relationship and if so, this complicates things WAY beyond poly. Does a...

There's a lot here so I'll just offer more questions and stuff to think about. Cohabitating with a "new" meta? How new? You shouldn't even consider cohabitating let alone any of this more permanent legal entanglements while the dyad relationship is in NRE. Wait at least a year. I would add...

Welcome!

I've learned to not judge my poly against others.' There are so many flavors. Just figure out your values and find partners with similar values, or at least values that can work with yours. I'm still new at poly, only being just over 3 years in, and I've learned so much and changed my mind a...

I wasn't talking about setting restrictions, more like setting personal boundaries of your own behavior to ensure you aren't neglecting established partners. I'm very much against rules of any form and fully support autonomy. Within that autonomy you should care about your partners enough to not...

Lol right! I never said that! I'm not the fastest mover on the planet but if I haven't had sex by the 5th date, I'm just not that into you. So true! I do think all of these play a role but I think as poly people we should be working to master this skill early on as part of fundamentals.

There are people here in polyamory.com that are indeed great at this! No doubt. My comment was general and geared at overall poly community. Poly community is great at telling a hinge they need to spend time focusing on the relationship they want to put on the back burner but the support for a...

There's a big difference though between "fairly early" and brand new. entire weekends starting on week one or two and continuing on seems excessive and unhealthy for what is hopefully a long term healthy relationship. If the intent is a fling then I get it.

As my time in these forums (not just polyamory.com) and podcasts grows, I see a standard theme in polyamory of rushing into overnights (even weekends) and Uhauling (moving in together during NRE). I get that NRE is amazing (and horrible at the same time, with anxiety) and it's like a drug that...

When people are in NRE, and they don't have good personal boundaries about it, they can get lost in it without realizing how much it's actually effecting their lives. At some point people can wake up and see it's doing more harm than good. Good for him for taking the initiative. Your...