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I live with Hubby, but because of his work and sleep schedule, we usually only see each other as he's rushing out the door to get to work. Some days, not even that, if I have an appointment or something and have to leave before he gets up. During the summer especially, because he works second...

It sounds to me like there are trust issues on both sides. She's lying to you--but you only know that because you went behind her back and snooped through her phone. What were you hoping to gain by doing that rather than asking her point blank about your suspicions? How does violating her...

I wonder if you're actually experiencing jealousy. Jealousy is often defined as "That person has that thing I want, so I want to take it away from them so they can't have it anymore and I can." It sounds more like you're experiencing envy: "That person has that thing I want, and I wish that I...

The problem with Laptop's partners being uncomfortable was, as Tinwen said, partly a consent thing: did they actually consent to being part of a poly configuration, or was he dating despite their objections? But if I remember right, another factor was that he was allowing his uncomfortable...

The biggest age gap I have right now is with Noon, who is about 10 years younger than I am. Usually that much of a difference would bother me, but he comes across as more life-experienced and sometimes more mature than I, so I tend to forget there's actually that much of a difference. My...

(NOTE: I notice that GalaGirl posted while I was typing this. She and I might say some of the same things. She might say some different things. Take everything into account, because having multiple perspectives is good.) Point of clarification: "We'll stop if I say I'm uncomfortable" isn't a...

Just a terminology clarification: If you're meeting "each other's metamours," that sounds like you're meeting your own partners. A metamour is a partner's *other* partners. So if you met the woman your girlfriend is dating, you have met *your* metamour, not your girlfriend's. It sounds like...

Even though it's only been a couple of weeks since I posted here, I'm having trouble remembering what's happened since then. A lot of things... My friend who hosted the party a few weeks ago expressed interest in being "play partners," so that's a thing now. I'm going to call him Dungeon...

My husband is monogamous, or at least monoamorous. He has zero desire to have any other relationships, at any rate. But my seeing other people was his idea to start with, and he has had no problems with it according to him. He doesn't want a woman who'll be monogamous with him; he wants me...

Different people have different needs and preferences for communicating. After dealing with Facets's lack of responses to most of my texts--even after he told me to feel free to text him any time and promised he would always answer--I've gotten even more diligent about discussing communication...

Until recently, every partner I've had since my divorce from my kids' father (almost 12 years ago now) was someone I'd met online. Mostly AdultFriendFinder; I've only met one person from OKC who rated more than a first meeting. I can relate to your experience, MsEmotional. I get really nervous...

I can't speak for Arce's wife, obviously, but I have an answer that might explain this. When Hubby and I first opened the marriage, and for quite a while thereafter, I felt okay exploring sexually with other men. I talked to them about things I wanted to try. I tried things with them that I...

On occasion, I've actually stopped communicating with guys who have insisted on talking to me on the phone, even if it is just because they want to hear my voice to make sure I'm who I say I am. (I haven't ghosted, I've just told them I'm no longer interested in pursuing things.) My dislike of...

I'm sorry to have to say this, but there is no magic "switch" to flip that's going to make you comfortable with polyamory. On the positive side, it's perfectly okay to feel *un*comfortable with it. As you note, most of us are brought up with a worldview that preaches monogamy--you only have one...

Texting is my preferred means of communication. I have difficulty processing what I hear, especially when there isn't visual input, so talking on the phone is not my idea of fun. I can deal with it sometimes, but it's a lot easier for me to follow the conversation when I can read it. (Or if I...

Some people have a thing about their partners getting involved with friends and family. There's nothing wrong with that--if you are clear about it up front, and if you state it as a boundary ("I can't be involved with someone who's dating one of my friends or family members") rather than a rule...

My boyfriend's advice when I talk to him about reaching out to people online or by text is always, "Just say 'Hi, how are you' and let the conversation go from there." When I point out that that's often the *only* thing I have to say, and I don't want to interrupt them just for small talk, he...

Polyamory has been portrayed as a bad thing by society. Kink has been portrayed as a bad thing by society. In some parts of our society, a woman having any independence or agency whatsoever in her own sex life, rather than just having sex when her man says so and only enjoying it if he gives her...

First off, there are a number of monogamous people on this site who are in relationships with poly people, so you being monogamous doesn't have anything to do with whether you can post here. As far as your situation... Kudos for owning your emotional reaction to her seeing other people, and...

What exactly are you asking for advice about? You seem to have made up your mind that you are destined (or maybe doomed) to only ever be a secondary partner to someone because of your perceived circumstances. You seem to have decided that being a secondary is better than being friend zoned* or...