Search results

People get to decide for themselves how they identify. If your girlfriend says she's poly, only she gets to decide that. You get to decide: a) if you are also poly; b) if you're not, whether you can stomach the kind of poly relationship she envisages wanting (whether she offers a 'good' example...

I think your intuition is right: this will probably end in broken hearts and recriminations. I also think you call it right when you say it's disrespectful to both you and his wife. Think about it this way - you and your husband did the hard work of cementing your relationship, talking about the...

Both Zymurgist, and my poly friend Rhythm, all share flats with others and are open about the status of their relationships just fine. I suppose thinking about it, both of them are kind of the primary tenants (i.e. they've been on the lease the longest, they found people to move in with them...

In my (admittedly limited) experience of juggling close friendships with being metamours, you still need to keep some boundaries. I think in this case, and in the future, you would actually be a lot less wound up by it all if you had the expectation that only Zed (or Dean) would come to you...

There's two ways in which I can see how this relates to poly (beyond the timing). Firstly, it could be that the decision to become non-monogamous is highlighting the cracks and dissatisfaction that were already there. Sometimes people just get used to things being a certain way and never stop to...

This reminds me a lot about what our ex-metamour Lily used to say of our ex-partner Jay: that one of the hardest things about seeing him with others is seeing him making efforts that he would never think to do with her. As an extreme example, in his first poly relationship he bought a motorbike...

It sounds like you guys have quite a few incompatibilities here. It's not just a matter of you overcoming jealousy to be at ease with him having sex with someone other than you; it sounds like for it to even be what he wants in the first place, he wants you to WANT it. For you to get off on the...

Oh Valynn! That was a doozie! :D Seriously, I often wonder whether these people ever stop to imagine themselves actually saying these lines to people upon first meet. I mean, that's my rule of thumb when making an approach - if it's not an appropriate conversation starter in real life, it's not...

If so, why go through with the attempted threesome at all? To me, this satisfies no-one. Your husband may even use it as a weapon against you in future discussions, or as proof of his intent to compromise, when in fact a threesome with his buddy is further away from what you desire than him...

It sounds like the thing that would make you feel better has nothing to do with tipping your toes into polyamory together, but repairing that frayed edge. Getting more secure and renewing the energy in your own relationship with him. There has obviously been some neglect, perhaps a dash of...

I'm an only child, but I always made friends easily - within my own peer group, with those older than me, and with any gender. I think I probably could relate to adults more easily than most kids though, although it's hard to say whether that's just my personality or not. I absolutely loved...

If that's the case, then I think you've found your answer. :( If he's not willing to entertain the idea, then continuing down the threesome route is just setting you (and possibly the people you meet) up for heartbreak. It's time to decide if you can be happy monogamously attached to him...

If your husband still wants random and casual threesome sex, he could always look for other couples who are looking for a guy to join them. Sure, statistically there are more MF couples out there, so he has more chance of being invited to an MFM situation, but my gf and I are both bi and have...

I'm with GalaGirl here. The cynic in me is also thinking that in you agreeing to her spending some physical face to face time with her new beau lets her nurture that relationship so she has a safe place to land when you do finally let her go. That might well be the rational and sensible thing to...

I sure as hell wouldn't be cooking him dinner and doing his laundry. You are seven months pregnant with his child. He should be cooking you dinner and doing your laundry! Yikes! I do think you might benefit from being more direct with him about your needs. Don't make a conversation with him be...

I agree with Mags here. I'm not sure you are treating your friend as well as you think you are. It sounds like she is financially dependent on you and your husband for her and her child's accommodation needs. This is already a power imbalance. If things don't go well with your triad, and...

Do you know how Annabelle and Tad feel about the subject of primaries? Sometimes it's okay if things are not 'equal' as long as they are fair (i.e. working for everyone). If Annabelle and your boyfriend are more casual than you and Tad, and you and Tad are less life entwined than Tad and...

Why do you want to be with his wife too? Is there any sign that she likes you? Being poly doesn't mean everyone has to all date each other. From what you've said, it sounds like you have fallen for the husband, but he is skirting on the edges of cheating on his wife. My advice to you is to...

It took me quite a while to wrap my head around things too Birdy, which was a huge surprise to my partner and I, since prior to meeting her I had been in a 4 year poly relationship with someone else. Something huge shifted when I met Nina, and although I have never really been the jealous type...

One thing I'll say is this: you don't need to worry about him respecting the ground rules. You just need to trust that she will respect the ground rules. She is in control of her actions. If he oversteps the mark, she can tell him to back off, etc. If you and she negotiate and agree to opening...