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Yes! Was she always like this, or is it recent? She may be suffering from depression of one sort or another, or some other psychological issue. Flat affect is not a normal way to be. It's usually is a symptom of an underlying issue. I would definitely try to get her to see somebody to figure out...

LOL. Well read the ADHD and marraige book too, if only because it will spotlight things that are NOT your problem, so you can stop taking credit for them and also show you how you reacting in certain ways only then makes the problem worse, so you can stop acting in those ways and find at least...

If he gives her an STD from his "other relationships" he will be directly causing her to suffer. No amount of "rising above her ego" will keep her from suffering physically, perhaps for the rest of her life because of that.

Because Bud feels what he's doing is wrong and doesn't want to either lose her, or have her be mad at him, or have her see him as a liar and a cheat. He wants to do whatever he wants, and have no repercussions from it. He knows if she KNEW what was going on (yes, she might know deep down, but I...

I agree with Annabellemore. To me, the degree to which people are honest or not honest defines their basic character. And if somebody is lying to one person about something so important, I just assume they are or will lie to me about important things, as well. And frankly I have not a lick of...

While I certainly can see your frustration, I think there's a point that tends to get lost on this board a lot (since most people coming here are poly), and that is that there is nothing wrong with your partner choosing monogamy, being monogamous, and not wanting to have polyamory involved in...

Hubs used to always downplay his relationships (and we were always open), and it used to drive me crazy. I finally told him that if the relationships weren't that big of a deal then WHY THE HELL WAS HE DATING THEM? And to me to date someone you aren't that into means you're doing it for all the...

LOL! Seriously... it's out there more than I thought for sure. And the symptoms are a lot different and more complex than you normally hear about, especially if you look at the symptoms and how they come out in actual relationships (like significant other type relationships). Carma... if you...

I have a question... is your wife not interested in sex (as in no "desire") for sex, or can she no longer *enjoy* sex. So, if she gets started, does she get aroused and have orgasms? Or does she not have the same feelings anymore? And has she discussed these issues with her doctor, or (better...

You say you're changing your mind a lot right now. Well, duh! ;) You just opened up a huge amount of emotions, thoughts and feelings you never had before. You didn't have the skills to cope with them. That happens to a lot of people. I think it's great that you're actually working through the...

There's no "wrong" involved. You can most certainly ask for that. Would it be a temporary thing, while you got accustomed to the new situation, or would it be permanent? And, just out of curiosity, do you go home from her and have sex with your primary, or do you always have a break? I know a...

I think you've gotten a lot of good advice and some other sides to the story. Here's what I'm seeing. Previously, you got to have what you wanted, and it seemed lovely. And the "thought" of her having another SO was fine, because it was theoretical. Now it's a reality and you're experiencing...

Mags, I think that being the person that can normalize someone, and even show them that they are sexually attractive is amazing! :) He's lucky to have found you. And hope that there are people out there for whom this is no big deal is probably something that was really needed.

This stuck out at me. It's not uncommon for the fact that your SO is having NRE for someone else to stir this feelings of "obligation", or being the "old, boring thing at home." :) This is neither good nor bad, right or wrong, it just is. I suggest dealing with it on two fronts. First, thinking...

Yeah, I didn't remember that either. Still, how much of that old weirdness might be due to the pregnancy and hormones? (I can't remember how long they've all been dating.) Just saying, pregnancy will make you loopy in the best of times and under the best of circumstances. Trying to judge...

Mags, Oh, I completely know it can be done! :) I was in a similar position and I got out as well. My point is, that not everybody is that strong. Or maybe has that much energy? Or they haven't gotten to the point where it's so bad they HAVE to do it. Or a million other things. And the...

I just wanted to add... maybe instead of going to them (or him) with complaints of what you aren't getting, could you see if there's something you could do to help them out? Give a little? Relationships are give and take. Sometimes you're going to be giving more than you get, and vice versa...

Carma, I'm just tossing this out there, but you might want to take a look at some info on ADHD. I'm just seeing a lot of stuff in what you describe about Sundance that reminds me of some people I know. :) It may not have anything to do with your situation... but I had to at least suggest it. I...

I can see your frustration, but I'm going to take the other side for a second. Jen and Ed are married. They met you. It was sexual, you with both of them. Then Jen got pregnant. Not only that, but she has a high-risk pregnancy, which means not only is she limited in what she can do, but she is...

I think a lot of times people find a lot of reasons not to make a change out of a basic sense of fear. Change is hard. Even when your current situation sucks ass, at least it's a KNOWN commodity. To break out on your own requires you to face the unknown... and a lot of people can't, won't...