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Thank you, Mags. That was much more calm and well stated than anything I'd have been able to write.

We say 'going down the hall' at work. The washroom is out of the office and at the other end of the building... down the hall. Lol. Elimination and sex. N. America's two big hang ups.

Best gif I've seen in a while :)

Our agreement is to tell each other anything that will effect the other one. So safe sex with a FWB/hook up isn't on that list. He can tell me if he wants to, but doesn't have to (and vice versa). If a condom breaks or the choice is made not to use one then that effects me so he'd need to...

Easier after a year than after 5 years... or 25.

This. "I don't have time..." or "I don't have money for..." (Which I faced with my partner), is actually code for "I'm not willing to prioritise this". Therapy is a LOT cheaper and less time consuming than an acrimonious divorce.

I always thought that meant BDSM, not just 'vanilla' sex... But actually that may make the childlikeness of 'play' even worse.... ETA: trip planning by text message with Mal just now and I asked him about activities he wanted to do since we are meeting in a city we are rarely in. He said he...

I assumed they meant that 'couples privilege' comes into play, even if subconsciously.

It does for you. That's all that matters. Every relationship in our lives has its own shape based on what both us and the other person wants it to be. Your husband is telling you want he wants. And then you get to tell him what YOU want. If it is a deal breaker for you then tell him that...

It should probably be a 'yellow flag' = proceed with caution. :) But like you, Hannahfluke, I have a long standing relationship with my therapist. Seeing a new therapist for the first time? Hmmm. I guess if you had a really good feeling about them, maybe it would be worth the effort. Idk...

Ironically your post inspire me to get up and clean (and prep for tomorrow's turkey dinner)!

I think the biggest red flag would be a therapist who tells you what you 'should' or 'should not' feel or do. they are supposed to guide you through your own process, not dictate your feelings or morality or actions. I have seen a few therapists over the years, most have been good (ie I feel...

I'm glad he said he would back off. These really are the only two solutions to money problems in relationships. You either learn how to do it all together, or you pick one person, set a budget and the non-involved person keeps out of it. I deal with people and their finances every day, and...

She was, and there are. The rest of the book (so far, I'm at 56%) discusses just the one type as far as I can tell. She may be describing what she sees in her practice, but her suggestions for solutions almost always seem to be 'back away from the secondary and save the primary relationship'...

I'm a bit of a read-a-holic, and since we got into this relationship I've been reading everything ever printed about poly (ok, not literally, but I'm working on it). This book has bugged me from the first, I'm about half way through now and the hierarchical assumptions and assumption of couples...

I feel really secure right now. Last Christmas I was a total mess, my family of origin was in the final throws of imploding (dad passed in 2012, in 2013 my mom decided I was crazy and tried to convince me and all of my freinds I was. I eventually had to go 'no contact' to save my sanity)...

Well, that depends on you and your friend. There's not a we can tell you specifically except that it has been done before by other people (including my metamour and her other partner). But I've also seen it end badly for everyone involved. Long term I'm 'friendly' but not in regular contact...

It's about $4 for the iPhone...

True, but current broadcasters should use current language. Thanks for the rec, I'll look for more of Jill Lopore's books :)

Anyone using this? Thoughts? http://www.thepolylife.com