It's been awhile since I've inhabited the forum. Ive been sorting myself out so to speak.
Quick synopsis: I was part of a very short term triad with a couple (philosopher and his now ex-wife) turned vee, which quickly dissolved (I won't bore you with the details.) a year after I left, their marriage failed. The Philosopher and I began to pick up the pieces. That was two years ago.
We both had a lot of healing to do, but during this time, we found we could not define our relationship based on what it had been; we have both gone through a number of changes. Lots of conversation regarding how we now we view relationships, marriage, what we want in our relationship(s) etc. As the discussion continued, we continually threw out more and more rules, seeing too many rules as a way to insure failure, and our trust in each other and ourselves grew deeper. Basically, it became: I love you, I trust you, I want you to be happy. There are no rules.
It was only later we found there was a name for this concept: relationship anarchy.
My question is this: how many others here self identify as relationship anarchists? (I know Marcus does.)
Also? Despite having been in polyamorous relationships most of my adult life, I found it a challenge to move away from the default societal norm of coupledom or in my cases tripledom (I have always been in polyfi trios) - that programming that states "real relationships" have certain characteristics including a couple or group shared identity, cohabitation, entangled finances, etc., as opposed to operating as an autonomous individual, which may cohabit and entangle finances or may not. Now that I have grasped it, I find it a particularly secure model and very freeing. But the few open-minded I've tried to describe it to can't quite understand it - although they are trying. Any suggestions?
Quick synopsis: I was part of a very short term triad with a couple (philosopher and his now ex-wife) turned vee, which quickly dissolved (I won't bore you with the details.) a year after I left, their marriage failed. The Philosopher and I began to pick up the pieces. That was two years ago.
We both had a lot of healing to do, but during this time, we found we could not define our relationship based on what it had been; we have both gone through a number of changes. Lots of conversation regarding how we now we view relationships, marriage, what we want in our relationship(s) etc. As the discussion continued, we continually threw out more and more rules, seeing too many rules as a way to insure failure, and our trust in each other and ourselves grew deeper. Basically, it became: I love you, I trust you, I want you to be happy. There are no rules.
It was only later we found there was a name for this concept: relationship anarchy.
My question is this: how many others here self identify as relationship anarchists? (I know Marcus does.)
Also? Despite having been in polyamorous relationships most of my adult life, I found it a challenge to move away from the default societal norm of coupledom or in my cases tripledom (I have always been in polyfi trios) - that programming that states "real relationships" have certain characteristics including a couple or group shared identity, cohabitation, entangled finances, etc., as opposed to operating as an autonomous individual, which may cohabit and entangle finances or may not. Now that I have grasped it, I find it a particularly secure model and very freeing. But the few open-minded I've tried to describe it to can't quite understand it - although they are trying. Any suggestions?