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Totally just inferring here, but seeing as it's all about trying to establish a triad, started dating as a couple, I worry that it's one of those silly ideas that if you go with a triad then everyone gets what they want and there's no jealousy! Which is just, so mistaken it's not even funny. I...

This makes no sense to me. "Hey I know you said your husband is okay with us seeing each other but I'm not sure so instead of asking him or talking to him for verification I'd rather we just keep this secret from everyone okay?" Um, no. Also, there are poly/mono relationships that work...

Girlfriend, boyfriend, lover. They all work. DC calls himself secondary sometimes, but mostly just boyfriend. He chooses to not have a more serious relationship. Just today we were talking and he said he likes being boyfriend, not really interested in more. Some people use the terms anchors...

Well I Care! How am I ever to start my Bible of NYCindie if people disagree??? Hrumph. Fine, I'll just excommunicate them anyway.

As the poly person in an established relationship and another relationship, feel free to say secondary if you want, but when I see this, it always bugs me. First of all, it's the idea that you are giving up control, or worse, that others are forcing control. ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE CONDITIONAL...

I think this is a prime example of HOW things are phrased meaning a lot, but it shouldn't mean more than the actual intent. There is absolutely NO REASON anyone, male female or in between, should feel the need to be intimately involved with anyone else if they don't feel like it. No way, no...

I'm going to try and answer these for you and I hope they help. ONE: A V is a type of relationship. Where one person, the hinge, has to loves but those two loves aren't in a relationship together. So, for example, I am in a V. I am a hinge. I have my husband and my boyfriend. They are...

I'm sorry that scheduling is such a hard thing for all of you, but I have to say I get really really tired of it being a lumped-in problem. This is a problem in your situation. It does not mean all primary partners are like that. It does not mean that people in established relationships...

I wouldn't worry about what other people consider you. I mean really. I'm never considered the same thing to any two different people. I'm too 'straight' to be gay and too 'gay' to be straight. Bi, pan whatever, some people go with it, some people roll their eyes. I'm poly to the people...

I really recommend a discussion with at least your sweetie, if not all three of you. There's no reason to be feeling like a second-class citizen. Now, just wearing a ring shouldn't be a problem. My dh never takes his off. I had to get him a special wedding ring that doesn't conduct electricity...

I am the hinge. DH and I live together with our children. DC is long distance, so I don't see him much. However, DH and I have discussed it, and he knows I just cannot put a hierarchy on feelings. DH is my primary or anchor, or however you want to say it, because our relationship is more...

I don't think that's a taboo subject at all! I've actually seen it expressed around here in other threads. Some people say they have compersion, others talk about a cuckhold fetish, I think it depends on how the situation comes about. Personally, I find it really hot the idea of either of my...

Okay, I'm sorry, rereading from GG's post, this reeks to me. I know the OP says she didn't go into this planning on being a cowgirl, but that is what it looks like. "Okay, I'll try this poly thing, but with the proviso that if I don't like it, you leave your wife for me." I also don't see an...

But was that the agreement? The plan? "Come here and let me take care of you for life?" It seemed to me to be more of a "I love you and want to help, come live with us and we will help you get you on your feet and I want to continue a relationship with you." I have heard, so many horror...

Okay I'm sorry, but am I the ONLY one thinking that it's NOT his job to make sure she's financially secure? Right now, I know that if something happens to my husband that the kids and I are covered, but to be honest, it bothers me! I do NOT like that I can't take care of myself if something...

OP, basically, you've been a victim, a victim of abuse, so your mind, your brain is geared to surviving that. I was once told, "What we do to survive, to stay sane, is valid, no matter how messed up, until we find a better way." You did what you had to, but now you don't need to be a victim...

I'm glad you are getting to the self aware part. It makes a real difference. We've discussed how this relationship with DC is going better if only because I am more self aware. (even about the things I'm not happy about.) DH and I have been on groups for poly/mono and something people didn't...

I know you said you don't read each other's blogs, and I understand that. If DH wanted to blog here I would not read unless asked, there's something to be said for having a safe place to just put out your own POV and not worry about it. So I won't speak to what I've read, (not that i have read...

Just a side note-- the answer to stop cheating is not poly. Poly people can be cheaters too. Saying that you are in an open relationship doesn't mean there won't be cheating. There are people that aren't open or honest, that aren't going to be respectful of your boundaries or agreements made and...

You titled this thread, "Don't want to play anymore." So my advice, is to stop playing. You left an abusive relationship and went into hiding then into a relationship. You took no time at all to find your own feet. No relationship, mono or poly, works if you can't stand on your own two...