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LOL! Got a giggle out of the South American kidnapper example. Totally agree. Unfortunately, emotional blackmail seems to have an effect that is nearly as powerful, and a lot of people learn to identify it only in hindsight. So yes, LondonGuy, while using emotional manipulation to evoke...

I never said the OPs partner was unfeeling. Sheesh! That said, there are a lot of partners that issue ultimatums, and at that moment in time, they are not caring about their partner's feeling for the other partner and what it would mean to have them ripped from their lives. I do not get the...

Nobody is saying it doesn't happen. My point is that it doesn't have to happen. Do you have anything constructive to offer the OP?

I can see how the apparent change in dynamic would be unsettling given the fact that you have all been working in concert. That said, if J and K's relationship has run its course why would it automatically mean that you and L would have to abdicate your relationship? Couldn't the dynamic...

Oh sweetie. I know you feel like you're the only one that ever found herself in an untenable mess that leaves no way forward without hurting someone. Not that it's much consolation, but many of us have been where you are. A lot of us got there the same way you did - by experiencing emotions...

I agree with the sentiments expressed by some of the other commenters - there is a lot more going on here than the issues surrounding your sexual explorations. Yes her level of attempt at control may be more profoundly noticeable because of the nature of the issue, but your description of her...

What other aspects of your life does she control? While the exacting amount of control she exhibits within your sexual adventures seem so extreme as to not make it any kind of fun, I am betting that this is not the only situation in your relationship where she dictates the rules. Am I correct?

Got to agree, the "it's a girl thing" is lame. I just read a post from a woman whose bf is quite jealous. He's not a girl.

As to the labels, I do get where you are coming from. People want those labels firmly in place! I had to go through a re-labeling process myself recently. The Philosopher and I were once part of a triad that failed spectacularly. He and his wife are now divorced, and he and I are gingerly...

All you can do is be supportive and talk him through it if he wants to discuss it. But yeah, him asking you to alter your behavior so that he doesn't have as much emotional management to navigate is not going to work. Besides, on the practical side, how are you always supposed to know in...

Definitely, have your expectations laid out first. Make sure you both truly agree and understand. Some really dumb things can cause a lot of issues just because ideas were interpreted differently by each partner. As to the second part of your question, I always fell I to polyamorous...

My experience is the same as GalaGirl's in regard to this issue. My desire for my partner does not wane due to time and familiarity. Life gets in the way sometimes, but my desire does not change. So while GalaGirl makes some good points in regard to your bf needing manage his own emotions and...

I don't think simply finding someone new and shiny more exciting equates to being an NRE junkie. I get excited each time I go on vacation. Dies this make me a vacation junkie? I think as with everything labeled an addiction, junkie denotes extreme behavior favoring the addiction to the...

I do not believe in karma in any mystical sense. While there is probably a lot of truth behind, "you reap what you sow" in regard to human nature and interaction, shitty things still happen to kind and generous people - illness and accidents for example - and not because of some karma score-keeping.

Kevin, that must have been a very hard and sad time. I lost my SO very suddenly and unexpectedly to a heart attack. It all sucks. The thing of it is, when one has such an ill spouse like you did, there is more than one victim. I am sure you coped as well as you could with an incredibly stressful...

You may be as important to her on an emotional level, however the degree of entanglement with her husband - kids, finances, shared housing - makes the day to responsibilities a consumer of time. Okay, so there are times when you view her as being available, but she is not spending these times...

It's very likely your bf has been completely open with you. The fact that he chooses to continue to engage with this woman who is cheating - yes, she is the cheater; your bf is the enabler - speaks to perhaps a different set of ethics than yours, but it does not follow that he is being...

So you have the logic versus your emotions. When they are incongruent, it's a royal bitch. I am sorry. Here is what it sounds like: they had this trip planned before they met you, and it has some special significance for them. They told you about it, told you not to expect a large amount of...

Everyone is different. Unless your more limited desire for sex was due to a psychological issue, it doesn't seem healthy to try to markedly change yourself. That said, I do understand where your bf is coming from in regard that he wants to feel intimate with you specifically. While we can get...

Hang in there, gal. It's a tough row to hoe, but I'm with Kevin: in the long run, you'll come out in a better place. Nothing more important than figuring out ourselves. Ironically, it often takes a lot of experimentation, trial and error before we collect enough data to start that process.