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So a group discussion would be best? I just don't wanna feel like I'm a) putting people on the spot or b) complicating something. I worry if it's kind of a 'hey while we're all here let's talk about this thing' then it'll be weird, particularly if Red is afraid rocking the boat in any way will...

I guess we never really thought about changing the sleeping arrangements, since the first few times she visited she was hoping for a triad and we were seeing how things were going. She did ask me if I was okay still sleeping as a group after I told her my feelings for her were platonic, but she...

LizziE: Wow, that helps a LOT actually! I do, personally tend to take people at face value. The tricky thing is sometimes my gut feeling tells me that person is maybe not okay with a thing but saying they are; I usually just take them at their word because I can't be a mind reader all the time...

I honestly don't mind sleeping 3 to a bed, personally! But I wanted to do something nice and give them some alone time, especially since waking up all together seems to upset Red sometimes. This is something I have felt based on these repetitive conversations, like she's waiting for me to slip...

I have told her as much (veto isn't a thing we do anyway). But it still seems she's very stuck on what I have with Farmer already nullifies her chance to also have that with him, since she doesn't want to split time in the future.

My boundaries were more in regards to feeling pressured to have a solution or agree that we'll change plans for her eventually to make her feel better in the moment when it's a) very early in the relationship and b) I'm not even the one in the relationship with her. This is not the first time...

Rennabear: Oh no, I get what you're saying entirely, and I really understand where her worries are coming from and I assure her they are valid. She's never done poly before and just can't wrap her head around how she can build a life with him when we already have one. I don't know how it'll work...

Farmer: Partner of 10+ years, living together, engaged. Red: Meta, dating Farmer for about 2 months. Sorry for length. I have been doing my best to take my space while remaining friendly with Red. I feel like I had a pretty good balance, but Red was often asking me if we were 'okay', which I...

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences! :) I'm really enjoying reading about them!

I'm really glad to be reading this thread. I have a metamour who's very draining. I'm not sure if BPD is a possibility (they are diagnosed anxiety/depression) but they also have a tendency to worry endlessly about things and no amount of talking really helps (even though they assure me it does)...

It's very tricky for one person to be interested in two new people at the same time, the same amount, even trickier still for them to maintain the same level of chemistry and attraction for both. If you ONLY come as a package deal, it's gonna be a lot of searching to find that person, and...

I respond to casual texts like small talk and such, this is the most we've chatted in a week; I'm polite but not very deep. She just brought it up during small talk stuff. But I don't disagree, I didn't go rushing back with the guilt tripping, so maybe if she seems stable she thinks I will. I...

Farmer is aware of some of my concerns, though he thinks I may be reading a little too much into things (he doesn't think she is more needy when he's around me, which just means she's needy all the time I guess; not comforting lol). He is heavy into the NRE and chalks a lot of stuff up to her...

Hey Kevin! I guess my most recent updates on this ended up in the ' being a go between' thread! I think you are right that she (Nickname: Red) wants one of those two things, though isn't ready to admit that poly isn't for her. I have taken space this week and she has asked three times if we are...

I have my first meta right now, more or less. I thought we could have a good friendship, though I think what she really wants is to date both of us. She is pretty mono-minded and I think she thought it would help her wrap her head around it, especially future stuff. But after a while I was...

Thank you as usual GalaGirl. I feel much better about taking some space, and I have talked to Farmer who is firm that Red's feelings are NOT my responsibility and that I am allowed to have space if I need. He and I are working on having specific 'date nights' in which we can have to focus on...

Thanks everyone.. it felt intrusive to me, particularly since I already feel like she very subtly pushes boundaries to try and feel included in things Farmer and I do together without her, from weekends with family, to our sex life (if we were away from our phones, 'were you having sex?' is a...

We've never been unavailable to her for a day or days at a time. Both of us talk to her every day; when he is home with me they often text a lot, which is fine. But usually we do leave our phones upstairs when we have dinner and watch TV together, so this request is really putting me off. Would...

I would like to highlight: I always give Red and Farmer plenty of space when they have alone time together, as they get it very little (she is long distance) in comparison (Farmer goes there once every three weeks unless other visits are arranged). I usually only text if one of them has first...

Hey Kevin, Thanks for asking for an update. I am having a lot of mixed feelings this week. I took the advice and was firm this week; I did not enable any pertinent conversations about the relationship. She (let's go with Red) told her mother about our shared partner (I will call him Farmer)...