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Ha, yes she does have ADHD, but happily I wouldn't describe what's happening in these terms. It affects her ability to be present with what is, as opposed to imagining that her many ideas about the future are all possible and she has capacity for everything. She's genuinely poly and has been...

Ah, yes, thanks for the clarification about "hierarchy". I was thinking just in terms of veto power vs autonomy in forming connections. Absolutely this is part of my grief process. I recognize it could happen that they grow closer over time and we grow apart, but Robin is seeing poly as...

Thanks for your replies. They are helpful. The base problem is, we never agreed to do non-hierarchical poly. If we already had such an understanding, and were building skills to navigate communication and time/energy scarcity and the complicated feelings, then absolutely giving them autonomy...

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I appreciate your perspectives on this situation. I'm happy to report that Robin and I appear to be reaching an agreement to prioritize doing our couples work for a period and hold off on trying to integrate the new relationship in the way Robin would like...

Yes, I had actually already proposed regular 3-way talks and have been in some contact directly with the Meta, who was a casual friend of mine before this. I'm not quite sure how to structure the talks, but it's clear I need to be able to speak with my own voice about what arrangement will work...

We all three have chronic illness (me, Robin, and our kid). Our kid has been out of school because of it for two years and is pretty much home 24/7. Robin has the job that pays more and it tires her out, so I work part time and care for most of the house/kid to give her space to focus on work...

I'm looking for a sounding board for a situation my partner of over 20 years and I are in. There is a lot of complexity, so I'm going to give a broad background first. We were mono for most of our relationship, but it never sat comfortably with Robin, my partner. Looking back, I can see the...

Thanks everyone. Reading your thoughts and sitting with my own have made it clear the issue is less whether to tell our daughter (yes, I think the time for that has come, as many of you agree), but that it is just painful for everyone to be in a relationship where you are differently oriented...

Thanks for the input everyone. Just to clarify, our daughter is extremely well versed in the diversity of ways people can be attracted to and in relationship with each other, including positive messaging around polyamory. She knows one set of our poly friends and so has some frame of reference...

Hi there, My wife Misty and I have been together over 20 years, and after a long journey of self-discovery she figured out she is poly. About 2 years ago she started dating someone long-distance, and their relationship has become very serious/long-term. It has been very challenging for me but...