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  1. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    So today after our morning fireside talk, she really wants to try Poly. She finally is understanding that I would HAVE TO have the door open for a "secondary" and I am open to trying that, but in reality, it's been a very long time since I have been dating and the world has really changed big...
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    A VERY BAD start!

    Consenting, consenting, CONSENTING! Regardless of the lifestyle or arrangement, this has to be. Tonight I was backed into a corner at The Cafe' and confronted directly by both the guy and my wife. I really didn't feel like talking about it all, and it was very uncomfortable for me. Why and...
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    A VERY BAD start!

    Husband Here: Yesterday we both sat by the fireplace and talked for about 5 hours. It was the first time we talked without flareups. While she has accused me of cheating, I went over our agreements, and there were four of them regarding our sexuality, and it became clear that I had in fact...
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    A VERY BAD start!

    Husband here: Clearly people are not perfect, and I realized that back in high school when my first girlfriend started fucking another guy just a month after my first sexual experience. It jaded me for sure. I think the swinging lifestyle always intrigued me, not just for the over the top...
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    A VERY BAD start!

    It does seem like a very loosely viewed term that is trendy and thrown around. I met a guy that lived alone and was claiming he was poly. He had 5 girlfriends that he claimed he was having sexual relationships with. Once in a while he would invite all of them over at the same time. On...
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    A VERY BAD start!

    Mr here: I do feel like I am a good communicator. My wife is too once she calms down. I have never been officially schooled in communication in any kind of formal way, but my rules for good "common sense" communication would be: 1. Never raise your voice at the other side. When you do...
  7. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    Thank you so much for taking the time to post your responses. I also appreciate your ability to resist getting into a cat fight with my wife. She has a tendency to lash out etc. This is day 3 since the bomshell. It seems my feelings and emotions are still changing by the hour. Nothing solid...
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    A VERY BAD start!

    Money stuff is just not an issue for us.
  9. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    Husband here.... Counseling is not something I am interested in. Probably because I know several of them who can't even make their own marriages work. Ironically, the wife of the cafe owner is a counselor. Married now to a cheating husband. Counselors are expensive with no guarantee of a...
  10. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    Hi all, Husband here, I want to thank my wife for sharing her thoughts here, and for all who have been taking the time to listen to both of our sides during this stressful and emotional time. I like the idea of being here discussing with people that may have experience dealing with these...
  11. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    This is Bella the wife here. Change the locks? He still wants to be in this marriage. Change bank accounts? We don't have one. Get a divorce? We are not legally married, although we have our paperwork, wills etc in order. Your advice to my husband is very negative and destructive and has no...
  12. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    Bella the wife here: Thank you for your responses. It means a lot to us. Before I get into responding to some of these other posts... let me give a bit of background about our relationship for clarity and understanding to this forum. My turn to vent? Ok... here goes.... I understand my...
  13. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    My wife explains: I agree, I did the threesome as a re enactment of a selfish fantasy and didn't consider the consequences as I should have. I don't have any further sex with the coffee house owner. BUT... his wife came to me and thanked me for saving their marriage (not because of this)...
  14. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    Hi Angelina, I am the wife here responding to you. I agree with everything you said, but how do you interpret poly? Commune? everyone sharing kids and bills etc? We don't have kids and don't really know what poly is. We have been friends for about a year and a half. I have been having sex...
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    A VERY BAD start!

    Hi, Bella here, and here are some of my responses in bold:
  16. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    Thank you all so much for the kind or thoughtful responses! It's a lot to think about. I am going to suggest she jump on here and tell her side of the story as well. Not sure she will do this, but who knows.. I think she should have her version expressed. It might be helpful to us both, and...
  17. B

    A VERY BAD start!

    My wife of 9 years comes clean last night about an affair she is having with a guy we both know. They hang out everyday at the cafe, and apparently developed a strong friendship that has recently turned sexual. They did this without me knowing or my consent. She also admitted to having a 3...
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