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Why does breaking up scare you so much? It's normal in dating for people to break up sometimes. Some things work out and some do not. Some folks are long-term compatible and some are not. Can you articulate what about it scares you? GG

I don't know if this helps you from the caregiving angle, but my father has dementia and a WHOLE bunch of other mental health stuff. You think Louise can't deal with herself, even though she's doing her patient-management plan and attending weekly counseling? How did she make it work BEFORE...

I hope you feel a bit better for the vent. I read the whole thread. I'm just going to throw out ideas, okay? Some might stick to the wall and some might not. Make of it what you will. Maybe it helps give you other angles to think about. Why ludicrous? NRE lasts 6-24 mos. You and Steve are in...

While I'm sorry to hear about the break up, I think you did the right thing in not dragging it out and not accepting "last minute promises" designed to avoid the break up more than anything else. Desperation is not healthy. I'm glad you saw that. Honesty IS kinder in the long run. It's just...

I hope you feel better for talking it out some. I still think you'd benefit from an actual poly counselor. Suicide is SERIOUS. Talk to your health care people. You are grieving a recent death. You also seem kind of "people pleaser," and losing yourself in all that. You put everyone else...

"Passing through" to ask about dinner is not "talking to the meta" to me. They also seem to have separate parts of the house. OP doesn't intrude on Sue's date time. Sue could return the favor regardless of how they feel about Jane. OP, you could be kind but firm with Sue. Acknowledge her...

I meant it more as internal talk. I think as a means to cope with all this "whoosh," ComposerJ could firmly tell themselves, "No, this is just not necessary at this juncture. I am not going to suggest them meeting for at least 6-12 months," articulating their line in the sand to THEMSELVES. How...

I don't know if this helps you any. I think this. Sue is overreacting. If this has been poly for years, you can just decide how you poly date on your side. Sue doesn't have to "interview" your partners and "approve" them before you can online date them. She's overstepping with that, probably...

I normally encourage honesty, but all bets are off in this case. LIE, if you have to. Get your stuff. Bring a friend to help and witness any shenanigans. Make whatever "pretend nice," like you will come back to talk on [date] after you are settled at your new place. Lie about where you are...

I guess you could ask her what the feelings are behind these fantasies of hers. Fantasy is a safe way to approach things, but she could just masturbate and fantasize, right? Why do you have to participate? I suppose you could ask clarifying questions. Could she be attracted to women herself...

I'm sorry for your loss. Grief can be super-challenging to navigate. Honestly, if you two were monogamous before, this is Wife admitting that she was stepping out and cheating on the monogamous agreements, and now trying to "whitewash" it by waving the polyamory brush at it. Her timing for...

Gently... this did NOT start out as healthy polyamory. To me, it is not even polyamory at all. She started something up with you and got you hooked. Why would you agree to share sex with him when you don't even know him? That's not polyamory. That's them making it like you have to "pay" him...

You already answered yourself in many ways—you’re thoughtful, emotionally honest, and it’s clear you're in anticipatory grief. You know this has to end, it's more about WHEN and WHO does it. I’ve worn those shoes, too. It's a very specific kind of heartbreak. It would be easy if you were...

I'm sorry this happened. I hope venting helped some. To sum up-- He lied to you about still dating Lady/sharing sex with her when he didn't even have to. Both of you are poly. He cheated on the agreements/expectations he helped to set about honest and transparency. You were clear about what is...

That's her doing HER stages of grief thing, just like you are doing yours. Maybe it helps to read that. https://www.csn.edu/sites/default/files/documents/caps-counseling-and-psychological-services/stages_of_grief_after_a_breakup_0.pdf But it isn't a reason to stay together as a dating couple...

That's where you get to say, "Okay, let's break up," because you no longer want the same things, and she doesn't even know the difference between open and polyamory. You don't need to sign up for things you don't really want, much less with a near newbie who is clueless. You are not obligated...

So is this a case of he's hurting her, and she tells you stuff so you will pity her and stick around? Emotional manipulation of you for her benefit? Because if you are around you take some of the abuses off of her? And not like she's the only one here being abused? Again, whether there is 1...

I am confused. Okay, but was it an open marriage, or an online cheating affair? It kinda of sounds like he makes her put herself out there as the bait to bring him back goodies. Or she's even into it. Whether its 1 user or 2 users here, the impact is the same on YOU -- it stinks! Get out...

I'm sorry you are being hurt this way. This is sexual abuse and emotional abuse. It is not a healthy relationship. You don't have to say where you are, but in case you need a hotline. They may be able to point you to other local resources...

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. If you feel lonely, what do you do about that when she's home? It's not like she's your only companion, right? What about your friends? Family? Could you visit them? Go out and volunteer, meet people, do activities? Do you have pets? What are you...