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I agree with a lot of what y'all are saying. The idea of doing "whatever it takes" though kind of sounds like doing "whatever she wants me to do" which is what I did for the first 10 years of our marriage and it ended up with her learning to use that to manipulate situations... "If you love me...

Very true. I know my wife and I would almost never have sex if this were the case. While it's always the woman's right to only do what she is comfortable with, it's also the other person's right to end the relationship, or never even start one with the person, if they think a boundary is too...

Exactly. If this were a regular thing, then that's a problem. But sometimes fantasies are "inappropriate," like having sex in a semi-public place, where you might be seen. And often the fulfillment of that fantasy would require a comfort level of both parties coming together. It's not wrong to...

I have no experience in these things, but could it be that the sneakiness about it felt like cheating to you, even though it wasn't, and it stirred up emotions in you? I mean, it's not really a boundary that y'all have that he needs to tell you every time he is going to do something with her...

Can you just be our counselor Gala? I have tried for years to say, it's late lets talk about this tomorrow but it never works. It's funny you said that though because I found a third boundary. Never argue in bed. Once we go to bed, its time to cuddle or sleep or have sex. Anything you have to...

I think people are confusing my desire to stay out late hanging out with me wanting to party till all hours of the night and come stumbling home. I've been drunk like twice in my whole life. It really has nothing to do with that. I could be off helping nuns till all hours of the night feed the...

I should also point out, even if my wife was open to an open relationship, I would not want one in the current state of our relationship. It would be a dismal failure!!

Completely agree with you. Maybe boundaries will actually help with that. We will see. So far my boundaries are only 2. No checking my phone and Facebook, and always be honest. I can't seem to think of any others. I want to say something about her negativity but I'm not sure how you make that a...

First of all I am sorry about your marriage and how it all played out. That sounds very painful. I hope you find or have already found a much better relationship going forward and are able to be happy. I hope the anger inside you subsides and you find peace. I'm not sure I understand much else...

Thanks for your perspective. It's very helpful. I haven't told her I need to be poly. Just that it is my desire for our relationship. I think she thinks its unfair that her she got stuck with the husband who thinks its compromising to not have relationships with other women. And I can't really...

This all made so much sense to me. If you have never been in a relationship with a person who unknowingly uses passive aggressive and manipulative approaches to control every aspect of your life then you may not get the point of the blog. I am in that relationship now and I am finally finding...

I don't think she made it a week. lol

Isn't that pretty much true of all boundaries?

I think I see what y'all are saying. I think the two of us would have a hard time agreeing what a rule is and what a boundary is. I honestly don't think her intent is to use boundaries to manipulate. I think she genuinely is uncomfortable with anything outside her control because she has trust...

Boundaries in relationships I haven't posted in awhile. To remind everybody I recognize myself as poly but am willing to be Mono for my wife who wants nothing to do with the lifestyle. I cheated on her a few times roughly 5 years ago. All the trust issues got much worse recently when I told her...

I'm not sure you meant to make this point but I did think as you were reading that its important to recognize the difference between saying, "value the current people who were born with disabilities as a life just as beautiful as your own." And if you can somehow make sure future people don't...

I shouldn't have said "of course" as I agree everyone has different things they find attractive. There was a reason however I said "fit" instead of skinny. I also don't like the super skinny at first glance. Not to say I would dismiss any body type without getting to know someone. My personal...

I have never been in a poly relationship before. But I can tell you my desire to be in a poly relationship has less to do with always wanting to be with more than one person at a time, but instead in always wanting to know the door is open if I should meet someone special that I was free to...

Dabilitating might be the wrong term. I mean that it's something which would cause significant adjustments to make their life work. That doesn't mean they couldn't go on to have a much better life than someone else. Also at note is if indeed this was something in the genes then it may be also...