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You persist in the arbitrary declaration that there exists some objective substance entitled Love, which exists or does not exist independently of whether or not someone feels loving. You've given no definition of this substance, let alone any evidence to support your claim that its existence is...

You're objectively incorrect about the grammar. A gerund is an -ing word made from a verb and functioning like a noun. When you say "There was a mugging on 34th street last night," the word mugging is a gerund made from the verb to mug, and functioning in the role of a noun in the sentence. The...

What do you mean by "agree with what those feelings are?" If, by "agree with what those feelings are," you mean "believe that their feelings are what they say they are," then yes, I'm afraid you do have to, or else be a confirmed jerk. Everybody is the sole judge of what their own feelings...

Actually, it's simply not true that "it's not subjective." Love is a feeling, and feelings are subjective by their nature. It's not like a deity, which is an external object which may or may not exist, but if it does, exists independently of any given individual. And from someone who just...

Yes, they are. If their love is not infinite or expandable to include new people, that is their reality and they need to be comfortable with it. That should probably not involve taking more than one partner. Or having children. But what I usually hear from monogamous people who insist that...

I have had to do precisely what you say you're thinking of doing... and so far, it works very well for me. Because of my fibromyalgia, I can't predict when I will be in any condition to be capable of doing something very much more than a few hours in advance. So, when I'm invited to an event a...

Frankly, my reaction was virtually the opposite: that it sounds as if Bonzaiblitz bought into monogamy cheerleading and got bit. All of that stuff about how "strong marriages" are those in which people look only to each other and do everything together? Total bullhockey. But bullhockey which is...

Well, can't be discussed isn't the same thing from shouldn't have to be requested. I mean, I can discuss consent issues with my husband comfortably when the subject comes up, but if I don't get my right to say, "Not now, thanks," respected automatically, without having to explicitly ask him...

Yes, this. Breathemusic said it beautifully. Reiterating: Your time is yours. You get to be the one to decide what you want to do with it. Nobody else has a say, unless you want them to. You are not bound to go on dates you don't want, just because you said once that you would. You always...

I agree with pretty much all of this. One thing I try to be very conscious of, though, is that there are things which I've concluded are destructive for me to have to ask, or not be able to expect, in a relationship, which are also directly contradictory with other things which other people may...

As far as I can tell, there are a few problems here, but they aren't what it looks like they are. Partly, the reason the real ones aren't so obvious is that Red is doing his best to obscure them; partly, it may be that the real ones are scarier than the ones you've been trying to solve. Your...

My first husband and I had been quietly poly clear back to before our marriage... in fact, my other boyfriend was one of the witnesses to our marriage license. But when my kids were 3 and 18mos, we moved across the country to live with three other partners, and it kind of blew the lid off any...

It is possible that, depending on how my statements were read, I may have been the person whose "other view" you're citing. It's possible that I've got nothing to do with it and you're talking about somebody else entirely, of course! But, in case I was communicating unclearly, I want to try...

That doesn't sound unreasonable. It may not be something you can get in a relationship with a partner who is just starting to open up a previously monogamous relationship, though. Monogamy is essentially a conscious decision to prioritize protecting the selected relationship over every aspect of...

I don't see this as a maturity thing at all. If I am understanding the situation correctly, you're dealing with someone who is in the process of opening up a previously monogamous relationship? And that means that sometimes, he needs to disappoint you by changing plans with you, because of...

Relationships without trust don't work I see one gigantic problem here that's made up of all the smaller ones mentioned. You say you want to trust your wife, but the fact is that, right now, you don't trust her. You have good reason not to trust her, but that honestly doesn't matter as much as...

This, yes. And the thing is, Kevin says "Which means, among other things, that he has to stop pulling the rope." But that's not something Scarletghost can control. Nor, technically, is it the only way to resolve the tug-o-war; it's just the one which I'm sure Scarletghost would prefer. But...

Scarletghost, the problem with your boundaries is simply that you're not only imposing them on your husband, who has agreed to them; but on a number of other people who haven't, and who don't have an opportunity to be part of the discussion about what the boundaries which influence their lives...

Sorry to hear you're hurting. For what it's worth, this doesn't sound like a relationship which could have worked, no matter what you'd done or not done. You were just plain incompatible with each other. You want monogamy. That's completely okay. Some people just don't do the multiple-partners...

That's not what I saw at all. The original post said that they expected "weeks or months of reading and talking before he even makes a decision." In other words. they're not trying to hurry him into an answer and would not only be comfortable with, but expect, that if a 'yes' answer comes at...