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Mmm, I'm very introverted, this is true, but when I find friendships I definitely work to keep them. But it isn't investing as much as I would in a romantic partner. I can still make myself vulnerable to them and open up, but not on the level I do with Erato. That may, in fact, be simplifying it...

Well... I totally respect that you think that. But, as I'm still trying to make sense of things, I noticed a difference between myself and Erato. Her love is infinite, in that she can expand it for multiple people, partake in it completely. I think mine is infinite in that I feel no need or even...

Okay. Erato said she wasn't asking me if I'd be comfortable with it. She was mentioning he would be willing to work on it. But she still wants to, I think. I don't know what to do or think. Edit later: Sorry. She clarified a lil more. She's perfectly fine with using the energy spent toward...

I hope I don't misstate something, but keep in mind I might and Erato will come in and fix it. I'm in a long-distance relationship with her, and her ex, who was also long distance, is interested in being "BFFs with benefits" with her. I think what this is, is being very close friends who have...

Oh. I'm sorry. I kind of see what you're saying, but I'm not sure if it'll work. Like, Erato trying to be exclusive won't/hasn't helped her understand a monogamous point of view. I think coming back and seeing the love hasn't diminished might help a little, yeah, but it still won't help me...

Thank you, sdguitarguy. A lot of that thinking is not in line with mine at all. Like, I'm so happy to be with Erato that I don't have the slightest interest in dating someone else, because I'm fulfilled on so many levels with other people. But if you were thinking like me at first, then that's...

Yeah, what Erato said. It's hard to think of someone's feelings when they don't exist yet and there's a wide range of what they might or might not want. They might love the idea, be okay with it if we are, not want to, or hate the idea. So, lightheartedly, it could be fun, I guess, just for the...

Oh. I was set on that and accepted it going into the relationship. But when having a secondary became a necessary thing in our relationship, I started thinking about what my needs were, and a few of them were thrown into question. I figured I'd be happy as long as I was the priority in someone's...

Thank you. That's reassuring. I was reading these forums for a while before and it scared me when I came across a monogamous person posting about feeling terrible on days/nights their lover is with their, um, other lover, and I'm waiting for them. I can occupy my time with something else, but...

Um, there isn't even anyone, yet, and as I said while we're distanced there probably won't be. I'm scared that there will be someone I can't get along with, but I'll have to tolerate them, letting them into a part of my life I consider very intimate, and have no choice in the matter beyond stay...

Um, something else came up. I'll put it a bit simply: What happens if one person in the relationship can't establish trust with the other's secondary?

That's a scary thought right now, to know about all of that, to think of her doing intimate, coupley things with someone else. I get a knot in my chest at the thought. I hope I can get over it. I want to for her.

I like that way of thinking of it. We've talked about it more. I've stated my needs; she's stated hers. I guess the bottom line for me is that I need to feel like the priority out of the others, the primary. If that's met, then I feel fulfilled with Erato, and also like my needs are fulfilled...

Edit: Oh, sorry, I misread. I was up front about it, yeah. Okay. I know not all polyamorous people are like that. She's naturally a flirt, yes. Also yes, the potential-love interest flirting was a more uncomfortable thought. I guess I was just looking for something, anything at all that...

P.S. My partner might post in here when he's available to do so. Please be gentle on him. I challenge him a lot, and he challenges me, which is part of what I love about our relationship; to me life is about growth. Oh, hi. First post here. I'm Erato's boyfriend. I just wanted to make sure it...