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- Thread starter Maisy
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SEASONEDpolyAgain
Well-known member
Most of us here have relationship structures closer to what B was arranging with R. We would never have made agreements that restrict intimacy.
Neither of you are wrong, but you may be incompatible for a long term non-monogamous relationship.
Neither of you are wrong, but you may be incompatible for a long term non-monogamous relationship.
Are you really interested in B's flavor of poly, where everything is up for grabs, and in just 3 days with a new partner, everything agreement you made got broken in favor of reuniting with the ex who he swore he was finished with?
Sounds like you're comfortable with ethical nonmonogamy, but don't really want your partner's attention split between you and someone else. Or, you might be comfortable in some hierarchical version of poly with rules that preserve your couplehood. On the other hand, he is "in love" (whatever that means to him) with two women.
But how can you trust him, when as soon as NRE hits he will say or do whatever it takes to get what he wants from a situation? The other woman has dumped him (again,) realizing he isn't available for the kind of r'ship she wants. Is he available for the kind of r'ship YOU want?
Honestly, the "I imagined you were someone else" line would have pissed me off utterly. If you were one of my personal friends, I'd tell you this guy doesn't seem like a safe place for your relationship goals.
Sounds like you're comfortable with ethical nonmonogamy, but don't really want your partner's attention split between you and someone else. Or, you might be comfortable in some hierarchical version of poly with rules that preserve your couplehood. On the other hand, he is "in love" (whatever that means to him) with two women.
But how can you trust him, when as soon as NRE hits he will say or do whatever it takes to get what he wants from a situation? The other woman has dumped him (again,) realizing he isn't available for the kind of r'ship she wants. Is he available for the kind of r'ship YOU want?
Honestly, the "I imagined you were someone else" line would have pissed me off utterly. If you were one of my personal friends, I'd tell you this guy doesn't seem like a safe place for your relationship goals.
Hello Maisy,
Poly is all about multiple relationships with mutual consent. If someone doesn't consent, then it can't be poly. It sounds like B wasn't very considerate of your feelings. They certainly didn't get your consent ahead of time, nor after the fact. They gave R all kinds of special privileges. I don't blame you for having a bad taste of poly left in your mouth, I would too if I was in your situation. You can't trust B, that's the bottom line.
Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
Poly is all about multiple relationships with mutual consent. If someone doesn't consent, then it can't be poly. It sounds like B wasn't very considerate of your feelings. They certainly didn't get your consent ahead of time, nor after the fact. They gave R all kinds of special privileges. I don't blame you for having a bad taste of poly left in your mouth, I would too if I was in your situation. You can't trust B, that's the bottom line.
Sympathetically,
Kevin T.