Alittlebirdie
New member
Me (F 27) Boyfriend (32) Ex-Girlfriend (29)
My boyfriend and recently ex-girlfriend are now separated. They got married a couple years before I met them, and we all broke up at the same time, but my boyfriend wants to let her continue living with us. I don’t want her living with us. I feel like he won’t get over her that way and will force connections between us.
Not only that, but she is very very argumentative and disorganized. If you ask her to clean up after herself she says she’ll do it later, and then will not, and if you bring it up again, she’ll have a huge freakout about it and deflect. Something that would drive me crazy is that she would open wrappers or whatever trash and then toss it to the ground. One time after she threw her trash on the floor I asked her to pick it up and she threw it at me instead.
Backstory stuff: For the last 5 years we were in a closed triad. They are my first ever and only partners. First kiss and everything in my early twenties. They were in two polycules before me. We moved in together in the fourth month of us dating.
The issue was that my girlfriend never felt like my girlfriend. We had zero intimacy. Like I’m talking we only made out like 3 times in our entire relationship, and definitely never went beyond that on our own. Not because I didn’t want to; she just never ever made the first move. When I would try to put my hands on her, she would push my hand away. (She used to say it was because I was too gentle and it would tickle, but then even when I tried using pressure on just her arms or legs she would move away, and I grew tired of rejection.) One time I laid my head on her lap and she shoved me off her— hard. I started sobbing and she got up and left the room, and avoided the conversation later on when I tried to say it hurt me.
She would say she had zero interest in sex and then every once in a while would have sex with my boyfriend while I was at work, which I would say is fair, because he’s her husband, except I made it very clear when we started dating that I would not be okay with them having their own thing if I didn’t get to also have an individual intimate relationship with each of them. Not only that, but they would also hide it from me! Until one day, there was a random pregnancy scare and I was shocked, because I was under the impression they hadn’t been having sex for many many months. It became a bigggg fight. She told me she had no interest in anyone touching her, that she believed she was asexual, and then I found out they were doing stuff when I would leave. It felt like I was being cheated on, in a way. (Intimacy from her to my boyfriend was very rare too, but at least it existed for him.)
It ended up feeling like a Vee. My boyfriend had two women and I have only him. About two weeks ago I set my foot down because I was not okay with picking up after and dealing with my girlfriend who just felt like a terrible roommate. My boyfriend ended things at the same time with her, after we all had a big fight. The fight was about how he and I do most of the household work and literal $$ job work.
That day, my girlfriend refused to organize the already clean laundry. She was reminded multiple times and derailed the conversation into saying we were scolding her when we said we were upset she didn’t get it done. She then said that WE had to apologize. And when my boyfriend apologized multiple times about “scolding,” she still didn’t admit that she did wrong and refused to do the work. My boyfriend did the laundry crying that night, and we broke up with her the next day.
She left for about two weeks but my boyfriend is now wanting her to come back. However, I have felt much more comfortable in our home in the time that she’s been gone. I’ve also been able to actually maintain it and keep it clean. He’s saying he’s still planning on divorcing her, but I believe if she moves back in they won’t go through with it.
I tried very very hard to make it work between her and me over the years, but we have no chemistry at all. It feels ridiculous to try and mend something that was never whole.
Her name is on the house and also they have a child together that all three of us parent. The child is obviously unaware of the situation.
I just want outsider thoughts and anyone’s experience in divorces within a polycule.
My boyfriend and recently ex-girlfriend are now separated. They got married a couple years before I met them, and we all broke up at the same time, but my boyfriend wants to let her continue living with us. I don’t want her living with us. I feel like he won’t get over her that way and will force connections between us.
Not only that, but she is very very argumentative and disorganized. If you ask her to clean up after herself she says she’ll do it later, and then will not, and if you bring it up again, she’ll have a huge freakout about it and deflect. Something that would drive me crazy is that she would open wrappers or whatever trash and then toss it to the ground. One time after she threw her trash on the floor I asked her to pick it up and she threw it at me instead.
Backstory stuff: For the last 5 years we were in a closed triad. They are my first ever and only partners. First kiss and everything in my early twenties. They were in two polycules before me. We moved in together in the fourth month of us dating.
The issue was that my girlfriend never felt like my girlfriend. We had zero intimacy. Like I’m talking we only made out like 3 times in our entire relationship, and definitely never went beyond that on our own. Not because I didn’t want to; she just never ever made the first move. When I would try to put my hands on her, she would push my hand away. (She used to say it was because I was too gentle and it would tickle, but then even when I tried using pressure on just her arms or legs she would move away, and I grew tired of rejection.) One time I laid my head on her lap and she shoved me off her— hard. I started sobbing and she got up and left the room, and avoided the conversation later on when I tried to say it hurt me.
She would say she had zero interest in sex and then every once in a while would have sex with my boyfriend while I was at work, which I would say is fair, because he’s her husband, except I made it very clear when we started dating that I would not be okay with them having their own thing if I didn’t get to also have an individual intimate relationship with each of them. Not only that, but they would also hide it from me! Until one day, there was a random pregnancy scare and I was shocked, because I was under the impression they hadn’t been having sex for many many months. It became a bigggg fight. She told me she had no interest in anyone touching her, that she believed she was asexual, and then I found out they were doing stuff when I would leave. It felt like I was being cheated on, in a way. (Intimacy from her to my boyfriend was very rare too, but at least it existed for him.)
It ended up feeling like a Vee. My boyfriend had two women and I have only him. About two weeks ago I set my foot down because I was not okay with picking up after and dealing with my girlfriend who just felt like a terrible roommate. My boyfriend ended things at the same time with her, after we all had a big fight. The fight was about how he and I do most of the household work and literal $$ job work.
That day, my girlfriend refused to organize the already clean laundry. She was reminded multiple times and derailed the conversation into saying we were scolding her when we said we were upset she didn’t get it done. She then said that WE had to apologize. And when my boyfriend apologized multiple times about “scolding,” she still didn’t admit that she did wrong and refused to do the work. My boyfriend did the laundry crying that night, and we broke up with her the next day.
She left for about two weeks but my boyfriend is now wanting her to come back. However, I have felt much more comfortable in our home in the time that she’s been gone. I’ve also been able to actually maintain it and keep it clean. He’s saying he’s still planning on divorcing her, but I believe if she moves back in they won’t go through with it.
I tried very very hard to make it work between her and me over the years, but we have no chemistry at all. It feels ridiculous to try and mend something that was never whole.
Her name is on the house and also they have a child together that all three of us parent. The child is obviously unaware of the situation.
I just want outsider thoughts and anyone’s experience in divorces within a polycule.
