A brand new world for me

F

Felina

New member
Hi there!

I'll introduce myself by saying that I'm a dude, my first language is Spanish and you can call me Felina, like Breaking Bad's series finale. According to the glossary, I'm a poly virgin. I recently started seeing a girl who is in an open relationship. We know each other for many years and we had our ups and downs, but recently we made up our mind and started... something. We have made clear that we love each other, so... I guess this is happening. If we decide to take one step further, I'll be in a poly relationship.

I could use some perspective from you guys. She's from another country so we cannot meet as often as we would like. Hence, it pisses me off that her boyfriend gets to see her every day while I'm here missing her. I don't think I would get jealous if this situation changed, which is what eventually will happen if we do well. Until that time, I guess I'm going to have to put up with it.

By the way, I know the boyfriend and he's a great guy, don't misunderstand me. In fact, what relieves me is the fact that she's not gonna dump me for another guy due to the distance. But I don't know, it's a little painful sometimes.

I was thinking to become poly from a long time ago, but I had no reason to do it until now. Another thing that scares me is the exposure. I already have a hard time to get people to understand me because I'm vegan, so now I guess I'll be like an alien to people around me. And maybe I meet a girl who's into me and I'm into her but she doesn't like open relationships so we don't get to nothing. Yay, this is scary. I'm reading "Opening Up" and "The Ethical Slut" and now I'm writing here to clear my mind.

I needed to tell this to somebody. Advises welcome.
 
Greetings Felina,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

The books you're reading should be helpful; there's a third book you might want to consider, "The Jealousy Workbook: exercises and insights for managing open relationships," by Kathy Labriola. Might help you get through that rough patch.

I'm glad you could join us, and hope we can be a reliable source of help and support.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Jealousy and envy come up a lot here, which makes sense. Do a search for jealousy and envy and read the threads that come up. (Click the Search above to the right and then click 'tag' search' and enter words.) There will be a LOT. Your experience is common. The good news is that there is a wealth of information on different ways to cope, to figure out why one is insecure, to manage insecurity or jealousy.

But I'm curious, why is being vegan so isolating to you? Why does that make you hard to understand by others?
 
Thank you guys for all this info :)

opalescent, to be fair, I think I am to be held responsible for isolating myself. I just... can't cope with things that I consider unfair, so when I am with non vegan people, I am not 100% comfortable. The good thing is that I have many vegan friends. The bad thing is that having that many vegan friends gives me the illusion of "this is the world, this is my reality", and then is harder for me to live in the real world. But, of course, sometimes I find somebody who's a pain in the ass by asking these questions: "Where do you get your proteins from? Don't you starve to death?"

And I find it really difficult to hide my feelins or to say anything that is not in my mind. For example, if somebody asks me "What's up?" and I feel bad, I'm gonna say I feel bad, even if I don't want people to know or to ask questions.

So in the future I will be answering questions like: "Don't you get jealous? Isn't that cheating? Have you been in a threesome?" And finding partners is gonna be hard because I want them to be feminist, vegetarian/vegan, poly (of course), etc. On the other hand, this is good because I feel exhausted when I interact with people, so this way I can shut more people out. Yeah, I know it seems a contradiction. This is crazy, I'm still figuring out how the hell I'm going to manage my love life.
 
Re:
"I'm still figuring out how the hell I'm going to manage my love life."
Click to expand...

With patience, I believe ...
 
Welcome to the forum, you are definitely in the right place!

I can relate to your current situation. I am in America and I was in an LDR with a guy in India! The time difference and distance was killer but we always made time to skype or call each other even if it was just 10 minutes a day. The only reason it didn't work out was because he met a mono girl in India and wanted both of us but she wouldn't have it, therefore it had to end. That was about 10 months ago and I still love him and still think about him all the time. We still talk but maybe only a couple times a month but it is what it is.

I hope this didn't discourage you! You are lucky her bf knows about and accepts your relationship with each other, that truly is a blessing and I hope everything works out for all of you!

Can't wait to see more posts from you in the future!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top