I have a crush on our neighbors and I'm not sure what to do with it.
My husband, 4 year old daughter and I recently moved from Wisconsin to Florida in August. As it turns out, we moved in only 1 week after the neighbors did. They are a husband (Jose), a wife (Saki), and 2 girls close to my daughter's age. We've hit it off immensely! In the past 5 months we have grown very close as friends. The wife and I talk a lot, our girls play together almost every day, our husbands have gone golfing, etc. We have also spent a lot of time together as a group (all family members) and have never had so much fun.
My DH and I are open to polyamory, but have not put it much into practice due to moving a lot and the typical "How to find other poly people" issues. Jose and Saki are originally from Spain and Japan, respectively. They have been in the US many years, but since their families are not here and they just moved from another city, we have bonded through our mutual "newness" to the area.
Okay, this is getting long, so I will try to summarize better. I have thought what a great extended family we all would make and, to my surprise, Saki told me that Jose wishes for that kind of lifestyle, as well. He knew someone who grew up in a communal household. I have gotten my hopes up, I know. From their varied backgrounds, I even thought an alternative lifestyle might not shock them so much.
However, when Saki and I were talking the other night, and after a few glasses of wine, I let it slip that DH and I were in an "open marriage," she needed me to explain. She had never heard the term polyamory. She was not shocked, but I did not get the sense that it is true of their marriage. Now I regret bringing it up so soon. I did NOT tell her that I was intensely attracted to Jose, or that I had bi tendencies and would happily consider a physical relationship with her, as well.
The next day, I told her I was embarrassed. She told me not to worry, that it would not change our (meaning all of us) relationship at all.
Damn. I would like to change it. But I knew it was unlikely that we would get so lucky as to find out they were also polyamorous. I think Jose's interest in a communal family does not extend to sexuality (a kernel of hope remains), but I do not want to scare them or make them uncomfortable by pushing the issue. No matter what, I don't want to lose their friendship.
I don't know if I am looking for advice, sympathy or cautious encouragement. But I would very much like to know what others think. Thank you!
My husband, 4 year old daughter and I recently moved from Wisconsin to Florida in August. As it turns out, we moved in only 1 week after the neighbors did. They are a husband (Jose), a wife (Saki), and 2 girls close to my daughter's age. We've hit it off immensely! In the past 5 months we have grown very close as friends. The wife and I talk a lot, our girls play together almost every day, our husbands have gone golfing, etc. We have also spent a lot of time together as a group (all family members) and have never had so much fun.
My DH and I are open to polyamory, but have not put it much into practice due to moving a lot and the typical "How to find other poly people" issues. Jose and Saki are originally from Spain and Japan, respectively. They have been in the US many years, but since their families are not here and they just moved from another city, we have bonded through our mutual "newness" to the area.
Okay, this is getting long, so I will try to summarize better. I have thought what a great extended family we all would make and, to my surprise, Saki told me that Jose wishes for that kind of lifestyle, as well. He knew someone who grew up in a communal household. I have gotten my hopes up, I know. From their varied backgrounds, I even thought an alternative lifestyle might not shock them so much.
However, when Saki and I were talking the other night, and after a few glasses of wine, I let it slip that DH and I were in an "open marriage," she needed me to explain. She had never heard the term polyamory. She was not shocked, but I did not get the sense that it is true of their marriage. Now I regret bringing it up so soon. I did NOT tell her that I was intensely attracted to Jose, or that I had bi tendencies and would happily consider a physical relationship with her, as well.
The next day, I told her I was embarrassed. She told me not to worry, that it would not change our (meaning all of us) relationship at all.
Damn. I would like to change it. But I knew it was unlikely that we would get so lucky as to find out they were also polyamorous. I think Jose's interest in a communal family does not extend to sexuality (a kernel of hope remains), but I do not want to scare them or make them uncomfortable by pushing the issue. No matter what, I don't want to lose their friendship.
I don't know if I am looking for advice, sympathy or cautious encouragement. But I would very much like to know what others think. Thank you!
The point is, especially with such a radically new idea, people often need time to process. There's no rush, yeah? A crush is just a crush. Enjoy it for what it is and don't let it distress you more than is warranted.
