a little freaked out at my reaction

M

MustHaveBeentheRoses

New member
My BF was approached in a roundabout way by a lady he knows about possibly hooking up. Apparently her husband is very ill and unable to provide physical intimacy. BF and I have been in a LDR for two years and he has always leaned towards monagamy. I understand that he gets very lonely at times. I am committed to my husband and BF only. I am not interested in others. I looked this woman up on social media and what has thrown me for a loop is how negatively I have responded to her appearance and interests. I like to think of myself as an enlightened woman who doesn't judge and isn't vain- but holy cow- this lady looks nothing like what I would picture my BF interested in. I have to say that I am embarrassed by the judgemental feelings that have arisen. For a myriad of reasons, my BF has chosen not to respond to her advances; but since this is my first experience with this guy and potential lovers of his, I have to say that I was completely unprepared.
 
You know, some people are just not photogenic but look great in real life. And some people are attracted to a wide variety of physical types.

But you said she approached him, not that he was interested in her first; maybe he wasn't even considering it, anyway.
 
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In my opinion, there's no reason to be embarrassed about feeling judgmental. Feelings happen. We all have reactions to things, and sometimes those reactions don't fit with what we'd like to think of ourselves. I've been finding it myself lately as Woody's been encouraging me to find an additional partner or FWB; the guys who've contacted me, and the guys Woody and I know in person who he's suggested I get to know better, have elicited some pretty negative, and in some cases shallow, reactions from me, and I admit I feel kind of embarrassed when I share those reactions with Woody.

But... I don't share those reactions with the guys in question. And it sounds like you didn't share your reaction with the woman who was interested in your boyfriend, or even with your boyfriend. If you'd said something shallow or bitchy about her, *that* would have been a reason to feel embarrassed. But you didn't. You experienced an emotional reaction. That's all. It happens.
 
Thanks for the follow up. I am always up for trying to make myself a better person.

I really fell into the physical comparison of each of us: hair grooming, clothes, dental work. And then I remembered that she has a lot on her plate with medical issues and personal appearance may not be at the top of her list.
 
Only she can know what her situation is, right?

I think it suffices that you recognized you didn't like your initial reaction/s. It shows that you're trying to do better.
 
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