Polycurious_Adam
Active member
My name is Adam, I am a 40 year old, white, cis male, and I'm about to start an adventure with the love of my life!
I was trained to be monogamous, but I've recently been questioning if it's the right lifestyle for me. I experimented with ethical non-monogamy once, with a previous partner, but I was bullied Into it before I was ready. I saw it as a kink, and nothing more. I ended up getting hurt, and for a long time, I thought it just wasn't for me.
Then I met my wife. I fell for her completely, and the past ten years have been the most fulfilling of my life! When we started dating, she let me know that she's comfortable with non-monogamy, and that I always had the freedom to pursue other relationships, if I wanted. She also said that if I need monogamy, she can do that, too. For the past ten years, I've seen it as a freedom to explore sexually, but I was never motivated to seek it out. My was was my second ever sexual partner, and I thought I was just being given a chance to sow my wild oats, guilt free. Then I learned what polyamory means.
My wife was poly before she was with me, and it's something she's set to the side, for my comfort. Well, it came up in conversation recently, and I'm trying to figure out how I feel about it. Mentally, I am totally on board! It souds like a great way to live. Emotionally, I'm a wreck.
I know that all the negative feelings I'm having about trying this out are rooted in things like possessiveness, jealousy and fear. I honestly don't want those feelings in my life. Of course, the easy way to avoid them is to just remain mono, right? (Not really, as it turns out.) But I refuse to make such a decision out of fear, especially when that decision would mean asking my wife to abandon that part of herself forever. She assures me that she is willing to do just that for me. But I can do better for her!
I know I have codependency issues, and I'm very aware that those issues can lead me to sacrifice more than I should for the sake of my wife's happiness. I'm trying to learn if this is something I can really make a part of my life, and if it can be healthy and fulfilling for me, as well as for her.
Thanks for reading, looking forward to learning more about myself!
I was trained to be monogamous, but I've recently been questioning if it's the right lifestyle for me. I experimented with ethical non-monogamy once, with a previous partner, but I was bullied Into it before I was ready. I saw it as a kink, and nothing more. I ended up getting hurt, and for a long time, I thought it just wasn't for me.
Then I met my wife. I fell for her completely, and the past ten years have been the most fulfilling of my life! When we started dating, she let me know that she's comfortable with non-monogamy, and that I always had the freedom to pursue other relationships, if I wanted. She also said that if I need monogamy, she can do that, too. For the past ten years, I've seen it as a freedom to explore sexually, but I was never motivated to seek it out. My was was my second ever sexual partner, and I thought I was just being given a chance to sow my wild oats, guilt free. Then I learned what polyamory means.
My wife was poly before she was with me, and it's something she's set to the side, for my comfort. Well, it came up in conversation recently, and I'm trying to figure out how I feel about it. Mentally, I am totally on board! It souds like a great way to live. Emotionally, I'm a wreck.
I know that all the negative feelings I'm having about trying this out are rooted in things like possessiveness, jealousy and fear. I honestly don't want those feelings in my life. Of course, the easy way to avoid them is to just remain mono, right? (Not really, as it turns out.) But I refuse to make such a decision out of fear, especially when that decision would mean asking my wife to abandon that part of herself forever. She assures me that she is willing to do just that for me. But I can do better for her!
I know I have codependency issues, and I'm very aware that those issues can lead me to sacrifice more than I should for the sake of my wife's happiness. I'm trying to learn if this is something I can really make a part of my life, and if it can be healthy and fulfilling for me, as well as for her.
Thanks for reading, looking forward to learning more about myself!