Abuse accusations post break-up

Hi Open4,

I wonder if on some level, Donna started to worry that *you* were going to tell your mutual friends that it was *her* fault. Then she figured that the only way to stop that from happening was to preemptively accuse you of the abuse. This wouldn't have had to be a conscious process, as I said ... but she could have been feeling some guilt about her own role in the breakup, and guilt is not a comfortable feeling. Heaping blame on you may have gave her some relief from the guilt. This would be a subconscious emotional process that took some time to evolve. And I could be wrong ...

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
I really struggle to understand her motivations, but I imagine controlling the narrative of our breakup could be one. I wish she would be open to talking with me. But that would challenge her story, and I know she doesn't want that right now. She had to make me a devil so that she could remain an innocent angel.
 
I also want to reply to Kindalosthere (whose post I no longer see) and say that the feedback Donna has for me about how I behaved in our relationship are not complete fabrications, and I can certainly own my mistakes and the ways I've hurt her (again), but they aren't abuse. I never had any control or power over her. We had equal say in the relationship and both made difficult compromises along the way. And there are many ways she can own her poor behaviors as well.
 
Having reviewed this thread, it dawned on me that she may have played the abuse card simply because she doesn't want Open4 to show up at the events she goes to. Although it's probably not quite that simple, I'd say it's part of the equation. Don't know if/why I missed that before.
 
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