Accidentally Polyamorous (hi, im new here)


New member
I ended up accidentally polyamorous with my husband and our roommate (m). At first we chalked it up to attraction of being together all the time, and had a few threesomes but it didn't expand on that for years. We have been roommates for almost 8 years now. As time passed we became very close and, well a family. He has 2 kids that live with him, (us) and my husband and I have 1 child.

While we didn't really have to come out to anyone at first, as we already lived together and we don't do alot of PDA... so to family and friends, we remained platonic roommates and really good friends, like nothing changed. I ended up popping that little bubble to my mother in law first and didn't really intend to at first. She and I were talking about the holidays a few years ago, about a year after we felt official, and she told me that he and his children were not welcome to join.

Now this did not mean that we had to go public, and I tried to explain they were part of our family, she responded that they were not her family. This hurt me in a way I could not describe, still can't. So in this conversation I got blunt with it and used the big scary word, telling her we were polyamorous and his kids were our (my husband and me) kids too. So that year she could accept my whole family or she wouldn't be seeing any of us. After that, pretty much everyone knew it seemed, on my husband's side of the family. (FYI- we all shared the holidays together that year and have every year since.)

Shortly after that, I also told my side of the family. They did not have quite the reaction my husband's family did. However, as I am already the black sheep in my family, I'm practically disowned by everyone, so I wasn't as worried about what they would think as I believe my husband was, growing up in a devote catholic environment. My grandma though, did t know what it meant... so it was a trip explaining it.

We recently bought a house together, where before my husband and I rented and he had moved in after his divorce was final. When we moved, we all share 1 room and 1 bed. Our children know we are together, as much as children know. All they see is as typical and a mono marriage. I am the V point of our relationship as they have no sexual connection, but they have a very loving and respectful relationship between them.

I have had some people walk away and cut me out of their lives because they just see me being a shameful and disrespecting my husband of 18 years. I'm not going to lie and say it didn't hurt that they 'based' our friendship on what I feel in my heart or goes on behind closed doors.

My child is now 12 and his are 11 and 8...for some clarity... and as I said above, we have all lived together just shy of 8 I kinda raised his 2 with mine. They were my kids in my heart and will be forever.

Sorry if I rambled too much for an introduction... but this is me and my family.


Official Greeter
Staff member
Hello PolyGirl37,

Ha! Love your thread title, I'm kind of Accidentally Polyamorous myself, in that I didn't go looking for it. So sorry to hear how your mother-in-law reacted to it. I hope she changes her mind someday. It sounds like you had better luck telling your side of the family, although there wasn't as much to lose there. My V is "in the closet," I wouldn't care if my own family acted badly, but my (two V) companions are worried about how their families would react. Like you, I am in an MFM V where the female is the hinge. We don't have any kids, but if we did, I'm sure we would share the parenting. Anyway, thanks for introducing yourself, I hope you enjoy your stay here!

Kevin T.