Cougarwolf
Member
Since my wife and I began our journey, many different things have happened, but I will go back a few many years first.
While I was in the Marine Corps, my best friend asked me to be his best man at his wedding, and I flew out there. When I got off the plane, I was floored by a woman who caught my eye. It was love at first sight. But it was my friend's fiancé. Having grown up in a very strict conservative family, I immediately pushed my feelings down. We became friends, and left it at that. During their marriage I was transferred to another duty station, but kept in contact with them both. After they divorced, we chatted a lot. Eventually, the universe saw fit to bring us together. At our wedding, her first husband was there and told us both that he knew the only reason he married her was because fate wanted us to meet.
More recently, she was having to take certain medications that destroyed our sex life, as she had no desire. This killed our intimacy and put our marriage into a bit of a rut. We didn’t really talk much anymore, and each of us just kinda did our own thing, She was finally able to get off the meds, and she “woke back up” and things started to go back to normal.
After the first of the year, she brought up the subject of opening our marriage to become polyamorous. After talking about it, I discovered this was something she had been looking into and thinking about for a while. I would like to add at this point that we are also in a dom/sub relationship, which was destroyed by the medication. I was having a hard time being a dom for her. She wanted to explore and even wanted to see about finding a dom to satisfy that part of her life. After a few discussions, we decided to do it.
Shortly thereafter, I began to change my life for health reasons, meaning I stopped smoking and greatly reduced my coffee intake. We then found out that all of that was masking my ADHD.
Her first date with a dom came shortly after this. It was just going to be a one-time thing, to test the waters. My ADHD went crazy that night (think 6 -7 out of 10) and I was not in a good state of mind when she came home. It did unlock my dom side. Later she told me he turned out to not be a dom. We had a few discussions about that, as she helped me deal with all the negative emotions I was dealing with-- fear of losing her, betrayal about him not being a dom, jealousy, and some miscommunication because we were not on the same page.
IF YOU AND YOUR PARTNER ARE JUST STARTING OUT, MAKE SURE YOU ARE ON THE SAME PAGE!!! There are good posts and articles on this site just for that.
We had many discussions and we talked openly about all of this. By this time, what she wanted changed. Because my dom side woke up, she wanted a vanilla relationship outside of us. She kept talking to the one she'd met up with.
I went to a doctor for my ADHD and was prescribed my first medication for it. By the time she had her second date, the negative side effects kicked in during it. My ADHD went into hyperdrive (think 15-16 out of 10). By the time she got back, I was having a breakdown that she had to deal with. Needless to say, I was feeling guilty for having her deal with that after a date, ruining her good mood.
I started feeling like I was poisoning our marriage and her relationship. During this time and the discussions we had, I saw some red flags that, to me, were not good. That’s when I started looking online, as the area I live in has no real poly community, and found this site and started posting, mainly just to vent, and maybe seeking a little validation. So many kind and friendly people responded with great advice, and pointing me to various articles, and I found other resources here.
I have found that communication is important for us. I express every fear so we can talk about it and deal with it. I have also found a therapist to see for my ADHD. I am looking at other medications, and looking into a couple's therapist that is poly friendly.
I will tell you, with all this communication, our marriage has become stronger, more intimate, and just overall as good as, if not better, than when we first got married. I actually surprised her the other night and told her that our family was more important to me and a bigger source of pride than my 6 years in the Marines Corps. IYKYK.
To add to this, another personal journey of mine has been the awakening of bisexual curiosity. That was the hardest thing for me to confess to my wife. She has been nothing but supportive of it. Of course, all through this, I have been looking for someone to connect with, but sometimes it's harder for a male to find another male than a female.
So far, this has been an 8-week journey of epic proportions for us. I will update this, as it just feels good to put this down.
While I was in the Marine Corps, my best friend asked me to be his best man at his wedding, and I flew out there. When I got off the plane, I was floored by a woman who caught my eye. It was love at first sight. But it was my friend's fiancé. Having grown up in a very strict conservative family, I immediately pushed my feelings down. We became friends, and left it at that. During their marriage I was transferred to another duty station, but kept in contact with them both. After they divorced, we chatted a lot. Eventually, the universe saw fit to bring us together. At our wedding, her first husband was there and told us both that he knew the only reason he married her was because fate wanted us to meet.
More recently, she was having to take certain medications that destroyed our sex life, as she had no desire. This killed our intimacy and put our marriage into a bit of a rut. We didn’t really talk much anymore, and each of us just kinda did our own thing, She was finally able to get off the meds, and she “woke back up” and things started to go back to normal.
After the first of the year, she brought up the subject of opening our marriage to become polyamorous. After talking about it, I discovered this was something she had been looking into and thinking about for a while. I would like to add at this point that we are also in a dom/sub relationship, which was destroyed by the medication. I was having a hard time being a dom for her. She wanted to explore and even wanted to see about finding a dom to satisfy that part of her life. After a few discussions, we decided to do it.
Shortly thereafter, I began to change my life for health reasons, meaning I stopped smoking and greatly reduced my coffee intake. We then found out that all of that was masking my ADHD.
Her first date with a dom came shortly after this. It was just going to be a one-time thing, to test the waters. My ADHD went crazy that night (think 6 -7 out of 10) and I was not in a good state of mind when she came home. It did unlock my dom side. Later she told me he turned out to not be a dom. We had a few discussions about that, as she helped me deal with all the negative emotions I was dealing with-- fear of losing her, betrayal about him not being a dom, jealousy, and some miscommunication because we were not on the same page.
IF YOU AND YOUR PARTNER ARE JUST STARTING OUT, MAKE SURE YOU ARE ON THE SAME PAGE!!! There are good posts and articles on this site just for that.
We had many discussions and we talked openly about all of this. By this time, what she wanted changed. Because my dom side woke up, she wanted a vanilla relationship outside of us. She kept talking to the one she'd met up with.
I went to a doctor for my ADHD and was prescribed my first medication for it. By the time she had her second date, the negative side effects kicked in during it. My ADHD went into hyperdrive (think 15-16 out of 10). By the time she got back, I was having a breakdown that she had to deal with. Needless to say, I was feeling guilty for having her deal with that after a date, ruining her good mood.
I started feeling like I was poisoning our marriage and her relationship. During this time and the discussions we had, I saw some red flags that, to me, were not good. That’s when I started looking online, as the area I live in has no real poly community, and found this site and started posting, mainly just to vent, and maybe seeking a little validation. So many kind and friendly people responded with great advice, and pointing me to various articles, and I found other resources here.
I have found that communication is important for us. I express every fear so we can talk about it and deal with it. I have also found a therapist to see for my ADHD. I am looking at other medications, and looking into a couple's therapist that is poly friendly.
I will tell you, with all this communication, our marriage has become stronger, more intimate, and just overall as good as, if not better, than when we first got married. I actually surprised her the other night and told her that our family was more important to me and a bigger source of pride than my 6 years in the Marines Corps. IYKYK.
To add to this, another personal journey of mine has been the awakening of bisexual curiosity. That was the hardest thing for me to confess to my wife. She has been nothing but supportive of it. Of course, all through this, I have been looking for someone to connect with, but sometimes it's harder for a male to find another male than a female.
So far, this has been an 8-week journey of epic proportions for us. I will update this, as it just feels good to put this down.
