Advice needed: Opening up sex in a long distance relationship

[calgkid]

Hey all, I'm new to this forum, but it seems like a friendly space.

I need your advice on this. My wife and I are happily married with a lovely kid. But for some reasons about her career, she will be stationed overseas in the next 26-28 months. In the meantime, I could only get to see her a few times a year.

How to deal with the lack of sex and intimacy has come up in our conversations. We're both quite open about the idea of opening up our sex experiences, even before she decides to go overseas. The only difference is that, in this case, we will be physically separated and not get to see each other often. Now we're having discussions to set expectations and agreements. And we both encourage each other to meet with others and enjoy sex as long as we communicate and stay within the agreement. For me, I really hope she'll have a satisfying, regular sex life even when I'm not there. We both feel emotionally secure and safe in our marriage.

Now we feel we're getting ready to try this out and get started, I wonder if you have any advice on this? Where to meet people? How to handle the others' expectation (as most would look for a monogamous relationship). And how should we approach this, like in a series of short dates or a smaller number of partners over a longer period of time? Thanks!!

 

[kdt26417]

Re:

"Where to meet people?"

On this site you can post and read ads in our Dating & Friendships subforum.

Offsite, there are poly-friendly dating sites such as

• http://www.okcupid.com/
• http://www.beyondtwo.com/
• http://www.polymatchmaker.com/

There may be a local poly group or two in your area. You can use the following links/sites to search for one:

• https://fetlife.com/
• http://www.facebook.com/
• http://www.polygroups.com/
• http://polyamory.meetup.com/
• http://www.polyamory.org/SF/groups.html
• http://polyevents.blogspot.com/#localgroups
• http://openingup.net/resources/local-orginizations-u-s/
• http://openingup.net/resources/international-organizations-outside-the-u-s/
• http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?p=83656#post83656

Sometimes a poly group will appear if you google "polyamory" with the name of your State or nearest major city.

What else can you try?

"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, Polyamorous Percolations

Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.

Those are the main ideas I can think of.

Re:

"And how should we approach this, like in a series of short dates or a smaller number of partners over a longer period of time?"

Either way is fine. Depends on what you prefer.