advice needed please

B

Bamagirl420

New member
Ok so obviously im new to this and need some advice let me apologize for how long this is before I get started. Background info when all of this started it was me and my husband of 8 years I will call him R I admit we were having some problems and we decidegd to try for a little longer we both knew we still love each other we just needed to spice things up well around that time this guy was hanging out at our house all the time I will call him L R thought it would be interesting to bring him in and see what it would be like having sex with both of them at the same time I agree tho I was nervous and the first time was awkward but after that it was great! L moved in with us aweek or so later I mean he was pretty much living there already bit he started paying rent Then I started to realize that I had feelings for L more feelings than I should and I was like its just the sex but after awhile I realized that it wasn't just the sex I really liked him and after a conversation with him I realized he had feelings for me as well but we discussed it as a group all three of us and decided it would not be a problem but then another week or two later during a conversation with R I realized that I love L R realized it at this time as well he was upset to say the least I was upset that he was upset and trying to work through this new revelation L was not at home at this time when he did get home we all sat down and talked about it they said I had to decide between them I was very upset about it I couldn't decide it was tearing me up inside and they both seen it for a week I was so torn about haveing to pick one and lose the other forever I cried alot I told them if I couldn't decide I would not pick either of them then we were all sitting there and L said to R I will sgare her if you will cuz I dont want to lose her and I know ypu dont want to lose her and she dont have to lose both of us R took a day or so to consider this and then decided that he would try we sat down and came up with a few guidelines based in what I found online like being honest and open if you are uncomfortable talk about it stuff like that and we all signed it and dated it we all agreed to reevaluate in two weeks on by he 17th so me and L have been officially dating for a week and a half we are all trying to adjust and get used to everything my question is how can I learn to manage my time with each of them since we all live together
 
That was a bit hard to read. Paragraphs and punctuation could help you get more responses because reading a wall of text is challenging.:eek:

If the bottom line is about your time management? Without knowing anything else about what you spend time on? A simple pattern might be worth trying on for size to start.

  • Sun you on your own
  • Mon R
  • tues L
  • Wed you on your own
  • Thurs R
  • Fri L
  • Sat one week R, next week L

Or similar for a month to see how it works. Assess, tweak, then go another month.

Eventually you could come to find a pattern. A willingness to be flexible and bend helps. If one of them has mom in the hospital for instance, that one might need extra days. Or if one of you takes a class for a term? The pattern for that term will be different.

Hang in there... Take it one thing at a time. There has been a lot of emotions to process and still processing.... Be ok with that. Things are not solved in a day.

Galagirl
 
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I see what you mean. I just kinda started typing, ya know? I can and will answer any questions, In case I left out any info that you might need. Right now it seems to be going good. I don't want either of them to be hurt in the process of trying to figureall of this out. I really do love them both.
 
You should still be within the edit window, so you can go back and add a few paragraph breaks into your post if you want. You're much more likely to get responses if you make it readable.
 
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Both my loves live with me. We don't do group sex, so we all have our own private bedrooms. The guys switch off snuggling me every other night, and on the night I sleep with one, I have a date night prior with the other. We are all flexible about changing the schedule if I am out with my friends or if we are all going to an event or activity together.

We talk and discuss things A LOT.
 
I don't want either of them to be hurt in the process of trying to figureall of this out. I really do love them both.
Click to expand...

Well, to me that's why you all talk things out in loving but firm ways. Each you has to be responsible to their emotional management.

Some feelings are fun to feel, some are not. Sun is sun, rain is rain. Point is -- it happens, and one weathers it out. No need to have a temper fit and act out at people.

People cannot help what they feel, that burbles up as it does. They CAN help how they choose to behave. Better to say out loud "Guys, I feel X right now. I need some time/space to digest that, so can we please Y?" rather than pitch a fit. YKWIM?

In time you guys could figure out your conflict resolution style.

As the hinge, you might be tempted to do double duty to "make up" for stuff because you "get to have 2 partners." Guard against burn out there. You might have 2 partners in a "V" configuration but guess what? Everyone CHOSE to be here in this arrangement. Of their own free will. That means the "V arm" people have to pull their weight too.

I know you love them a lot, but remember to love yourself too. Schedule days for rest, being on your own. Resist always being the "go between" if the guys have problems. Sometimes you could choose to help out there, but it doesn't ALWAYS have to be through you. YKWIM? They can talk directly to each other to solve it too. They could grow that interpersonal skill.

It's all part of the polymath.

GL!

Galagirl
 
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