Am I expecting 'too much' conversation?

[gorgeouskitten]

It sounds like you could think about how you process "disappointed" as a feeling in general, whether it is the disappointment like it stings he doesn't make major life decisions like changing jobs and moving with you in mind at this time, or the disappointment of breaking up further down the road, if you ask questions and find you are not compatible.

Some feelings are fun to feel and some are not, but learning how to cope with disappointments is a skill you could develop. Perhaps doing that could help you reduce the anxiety when faced with these things, because you could then tell yourself "Whatever it is, I can handle it. I've handled things before. I can handle them again."

Thanks Galagirl, you are quite right. Though I'm in my thirties, I could still use some work on processing strategies.

Side note, we actually know each other quite well, have for years. We just haven't been dating the whole time. Unless you mean getting to know each other better in a more intimate emotional sense.

I actually did speak to him again this morning, and he clarified that the reason he was talking to me about it, was that I would be part of the discussion if he considered a move, and he didn't want that to come out of left field, but wanted me to know what was on his mind. So, it seems I kind of took the whole conversation wrong.

 

[GalaGirl]

We actually know each other quite well, have for years, we just haven't been dating the whole time. Unless you mean getting to know each other better in a more intimate emotional sense.

That is exactly what I mean. You may have known him for years in the role of friend, but not very long in the role of dating partner.

He clarified that the reason he was talking to me about it, was that I would be part of the discussion if he considered a move, and he didn't want that to come out of left field, but wanted me to know what was on his mind. So, it seems I kind of took the whole conversation wrong.

See? Still learning how to communicate with each other in the new relationship shape. There are going to be bumps along the way. Try to relax. Let it unfold how it will. Next time something confuses you, ask him to clarify right then.

If learning how to process feelings like disappointed is part of what can help you relax, spend some time working on that. Where do you think the disappointment stems from? What's the trigger?