Am I thinking about this in the right way?

[redpepper]

"I think they would get along fine."

There is your answer, you said it yourself. You just have to ask what they think? If it isn't going to work for them then express that you would like to some time in the future (because you think they will get along nicely) and if they could at least think about it as you will ask again some time... then that is it.

k, I don't get what is going on in this quote... what are you saying/asking? where does the cheating come in? What does it have to do with anything? Are you trying to work out the part about accepting that the women might want another partner too? explain?

So a few more thoughts on this one. After the first couple of years with the ex when I started cheating I had thought about "what if she is cheating on me". While it was not a good feeling it was not a bad one either. My thinking was that if it does not interfere with our relationship and it makes her happy, why not. I still didnt want to know about it though. Kind of an out of sight out of mind thing as in if I dont have to think about it then it would not bother me. I had a totally casual relationship with one girl on and off for several years and nothing about that bothered me. But with her it was a decent friendship with sex, not a lot of emotional connection. It still bothers me even today (have not had sex in over a year and no plans to any time soon) when she is checking out other guys and comments about it. We were out for a couple of hours this weekend just as friends and it is weird for me to hear that. So I need to look at myself more and read more about why I feel that way.

 

[Noname]

k, I don't get what is going on in this quote... what are you saying/asking? where does the cheating come in? What does it have to do with anything? Are you trying to work out the part about accepting that the women might want another partner too? explain?

So a few more thoughts on this one. After the first couple of years with the ex when I started cheating I had thought about "what if she is cheating on me". While it was not a good feeling it was not a bad one either. My thinking was that if it does not interfere with our relationship and it makes her happy, why not. I still didnt want to know about it though. Kind of an out of sight out of mind thing as in if I dont have to think about it then it would not bother me. I had a totally casual relationship with one girl on and off for several years and nothing about that bothered me. But with her it was a decent friendship with sex, not a lot of emotional connection. It still bothers me even today (have not had sex in over a year and no plans to any time soon) when she is checking out other guys and comments about it. We were out for a couple of hours this weekend just as friends and it is weird for me to hear that. So I need to look at myself more and read more about why I feel that way.

The question you has posed to me was basically how would/will I feel if the girls want to find other guys to date. I said I was slightly uncomfortable about it and I needed to figure out why. The quote was how I have reacted in the past, but have not put a lot of thought into why.

My point was that in the past with my last ex I would have been fine with her having another BF (in that case it would have been cheating) as long as I didnt know and it didnt interfere with the relationship we had.

Does that clear it up?

 

[solarwindsfly]

@redpepper- Thank you for that thought. I am still learning about myself and my own feelings on things and never have looked at compramise like that. I will think of it myself and how I feel about it... hrmmmmm