Another newbie; open marriage in AB

N

number9number9

New member
Hi All,

In the last few weeks my wife and I (we're both early 30's in Alberta, Canada) have decided to open our marriage up and talked lots about the rules/guidelines that we'd be following. All we need to do now is put them into practice!

We've been married for almost 9 years and have two great kids. We're very happy with our relationship and sex life, and it seems like the big thing missing for us is novelty. I'm definitely looking forward to the chemistry that forms when flirting with someone new.

Neither of us are sure exactly what sort of new relationships we'd like to have, whether it be hookups with others or forming more long-lasting bonds. To start we'll be pursuing other people separately, rather than asking someone to join our couple.

I'm definitely curious to hear about other people's experiences, especially those who have been able to maintain any sort of poly/open relationships successfully. Also curious to hear about the date-finding experience for guys and girls. I've been on OKCupid for a week or so now, and managing about a 25% response rate, one of which has been a continuing convo with a solid prospect of meeting up. I figure that's pretty good for putting that I'm married in my profile, eh?

Cheers
 
Greetings number9number9,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Compared with my past experience, you're doing awesome with OKCupid. Congrats! I consider my poly V a successful one, you can read about it in my blog. The Life stories and blogs board in general contains many success stories, so check that out. In addition, I encourage you to read the book, "Opening Up: a guide to creating and sustaining open relationships," by Tristan Taormino. It contains many success stories as well helpful suggestions for what kind of relationship structure you might want to have. And of course you can always come here and post any thoughts/questions.

Glad you could join us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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Welcome aboard!
 
Thanks for the welcome Kevin. Yours sounds like quite the journey; good to hear it's reached a nice equilibrium. Thanks for the resources as well; there's so much research to do regarding all this.

Cheers
 
Hi,

I'm new to nonmonogamy myself. Of all the internet resources I read, I found this to be most useful. KDT recommended "opening up" which I haven't read but have heard good things about too.

Good luck.
 
Hi number9number9, Welcome to the Forum. I've only been here a few months but have found most folks here​ to be friendly and helpful - lots of sound advice and solid info.

To start we'll be pursuing other people separately, rather than asking someone to join our couple.
Click to expand...

A refreshing change from the ubiquitous unicorn hunters! A wise choice. :)
(It seems that all too many couples coming into poly or other consensual non-monogamous situations have the idea that the first thing they should do is to go out and find a hot bi-babe to join them. The problem is that there is often not a lot in that for the hot bi-babe - and so there are just not a whole lot of hot bi-babes hanging around waiting to be adopted. In fact, they are said to be about as rare as unicorns.) Glad to hear you have other plans! :)

Good luck on your journey! Al
 
it seems like the big thing missing for us is novelty.
Click to expand...
I'd recommend club-oriented swinging, definitely. No reason you can't simultaneously be open to the possibility of ongoing close relationships if you find proper opportunity.

In my experience, happily experienced swingers outnumber happily experienced polyfolk, maybe as much as 5:1 -- factor in "polyfolk open to another relationship" & it could be 10:1.

While not a swinger myself, I have some longterm friends who are, & they've graciously brought me to some of their events, from house-party orgies to public dances.

Swinging could help you learn what's actually most important to you nowadays. Maybe it's not primarily about the sex at all. Like, do you want the chance to socialize & flirt openly without big risk that Society (neighbors, relatives) is going to punish you? Would you like added validation of your physical desirability (sexual, sensual, erotic)? Trading massages in a roomful of naked strangers is quite liberating, especially when nobody is ashamed/embarrassed to admit some level of sexual arousal.

You'd also learn to communicate with multiple people to a degree that's deeper & much more intimate than you've probably needed to this point in life.
 
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