Asking a friend not to flirt with my crush...

L

liltinybat

New member
So my BFF and I have bonded lately right after we broke up with the same person. We attend most social events together. We are both non binary. We both think the same guy is cute but they have 2 new partners already and I don't have anyone. I felt it was odd for them to flirt with my crush bc I felt... upstaged? Idk I also think it may deter him from being interested in me if he thinks we are both interested. That's the type of guy he is. He would not want to cause tension for his own wants and needs. He flirts with me but he maybe flirts with them a little more and they are more actively flirty towards him than I am. I just thought is was a little rude considering the circumstances? Is it un poly to discourage my friend from pursuing or *appear* to be pursuing the same guy that I am? My friend seems to think i wouldnt care because we are both poly. Tell me what you think.
 
Hi liltinybat,

I think the first thing to keep in mind is that you don't have to *be* poly ... and you certainly don't have to be poly in *every* way. It is okay to be mono in some (even all) ways. Next, keep in mind that while you can ask your friend to not flirt with your crush, and while it is okay to ask that, your friend still has their own autonomy and may turn down your request. There's not much you can do about that. But yes, you can certainly ask.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
i don't think it is out of line to bring it up, but the two of you do have a history of dating the same person.
 
yeah..

Ty both for being so reasonable people on Facebook literally implied I was some kind of tyrant for being annoyed at this like.... I know it's wrong to stop people from flirting with whoever they want it's just like they don't even really like him lol I'm also just around them a lot and don't want them to hit on every single person I do! I know that is probably unlikely. Im just annoyed.
 
I think it's unreasonable to expect you friend to know or guess that this will annoy you.

It is not unreasonable to feel let behind for not having daing success. You feel what you feel. It is not unreasonable to ask him if he would consider backing of and letting you attempt to form a relationship.

It is not unreasonable for him to decline or negotiate otherwise. If he does agree, thank him and consider it a favor.
 
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