I guess I'll start here. I've been a person who has always been interested in, but never tried being poly, now I'm with someone who feels the same way, we definitely aren't unicorn hunters looking for the mystical triad. We're definitely more open to other possibilities than that. Since overall we want to build a new relationship with other people/ another person, not just throw them in and wish them luck for the audition. Even though we're extreme newbies and really aren't sure where to start. I guess we're also very socially awkward people not sure how to exist or even how we ended up together. For the most part sometimes us dating one other person than each other sounds nice or maybe us both dating another couple sounds nice, too, even though it doesn't really matter as long as everyone involved is happy and comfortable. Overall I'm really just not sure due to being socially awkward dorks how to push it forward especially for two people trying to bring new love to their life. I'm sorry that you all here probably get about a million of similar things to this. So I can only hope I can get some advice for the awkward people unsure of how to even begin. Since while we can feel the way we feel, I guess it's the fact we both were uncomfortable with those feelings of ours for awhile, so how would you start?
Awkward person not sure where to even start
- Thread starter PeterPan
- Start date
vinsanity0
Active member
Well, the internet is chock full of awkward socially inept people so looking for a poly group in your area is a good start. Of course that depends on your general area.
GardenMinstrel
New member
Check the books section for recommendations on stuff that might help you navigate this Brave New World. Good luck!
In addition to the good advice you've gotten and the advice I'm sure you'll get from others, I have a suggestion...
Stop reinforcing how awkward you are. You mention that several times in the single paragraph of your post. People are not usually attracted to those who constantly think or say "I'm awkward, I don't know how to be social, people aren't going to like me," etc. Regardless of how true it is that you and your partner have difficulty with social situations, if all you focus on in this journey is how awkward you are and how hard it is to be social, you aren't likely to find what you're looking for.
I apologize if that sounds harsh; that isn't my intention. But you get what you put out, and if you're putting out "I'm awkward and you aren't going to want to talk to me," that's what you're going to get. People not talking to you, and you sitting there feeling awkward.
Stop reinforcing how awkward you are. You mention that several times in the single paragraph of your post. People are not usually attracted to those who constantly think or say "I'm awkward, I don't know how to be social, people aren't going to like me," etc. Regardless of how true it is that you and your partner have difficulty with social situations, if all you focus on in this journey is how awkward you are and how hard it is to be social, you aren't likely to find what you're looking for.
I apologize if that sounds harsh; that isn't my intention. But you get what you put out, and if you're putting out "I'm awkward and you aren't going to want to talk to me," that's what you're going to get. People not talking to you, and you sitting there feeling awkward.
What feelings are you uncomfortable with? I have some difficult understanding what you are struggling with. If you can come up with specific questions, that might help us to be of use.
Otherwise you've gotten the suggestions - first step is to educate yourself, so books, internet and meetup groups.
Also, KC is right with this
You might be awkward. People know it, you know it. The more you are comfortable with just being that way, the more you will find people around you who just accept it.
The poly meetup group in my city consists mainly of awkward people
I remember one meetup, where we found out there were 10 IT people, 2 theoretical physicists and one philosopher We spent most of the evening discussing fairly theorethical stuff.I am pretty sure it's something about how this particular the meetup group started out (organized by one of the physicists), and also that there are other polyamorists out there who just don't go to those meetings.
The message is, you may very well meet people who are like-minded among polyamorists, even if you consider yourself introverted or awkward of whatever.
Personally, I think most polyamorists will be a little out of the mainstream (at least in counties like mine where it is very uncommon). Cause if you are awkward anyways, it's kind of easier to put up with not being mainstream and choosing polyamory
RUourcouple
New member
peter pan
I have to agree with dropping the socially awkward attitude and gain some self confidence. I was one male that need to do the same. We decided we were not swingers but a couple that was looking for something long term. Well as fate was to play out the path that we were to follow. My Mrs.was lucky enough to find a younger man to give her cougar status and fullfill her dreams of 3 way sex. He was gentleman enough to become my best friend first before he was to get intimate with my wife. It was easier for our first time together. YET I had times I felt left out and awkward being a married male in his 50's. That is not exactly what most women are looking for. Finally after 2 years of searching a female that had been left a widow answered one of my internet ads and I am now starting into a very special relationship. It has really helped us to be Married and Dating (MAD). Our love and our closeness has grown even further by the fact that we dropped the awkwardness and put ourselves out there. We risked ridicule from our friends and community to search for that elusive happiness we obtained by sharing our love with others . I was at times ready to call it quits cuz there was nobodyout there. I guess what I am saying is strange as it may seem there is somebody for everybody.
I have to agree with dropping the socially awkward attitude and gain some self confidence. I was one male that need to do the same. We decided we were not swingers but a couple that was looking for something long term. Well as fate was to play out the path that we were to follow. My Mrs.was lucky enough to find a younger man to give her cougar status and fullfill her dreams of 3 way sex. He was gentleman enough to become my best friend first before he was to get intimate with my wife. It was easier for our first time together. YET I had times I felt left out and awkward being a married male in his 50's. That is not exactly what most women are looking for. Finally after 2 years of searching a female that had been left a widow answered one of my internet ads and I am now starting into a very special relationship. It has really helped us to be Married and Dating (MAD). Our love and our closeness has grown even further by the fact that we dropped the awkwardness and put ourselves out there. We risked ridicule from our friends and community to search for that elusive happiness we obtained by sharing our love with others . I was at times ready to call it quits cuz there was nobodyout there. I guess what I am saying is strange as it may seem there is somebody for everybody.
FallenAngelina
Well-known member
Best advice for anyone, poly or not.
Beyond any actual steps or action you might take, you'll get far more mileage out of altering your self perception, even a little bit. You need not and indeed cannot or even should not attempt to turn yourself into a party person, but even just thinking of yourself as "intellectual" or "I prefer to talk one on one" rather than "I'm socially awkward" will alter how you show up with people. Most of us vastly underestimate the power of our picture of ourselves, but the truth is that we can change a great deal about our experience in the world just by changing the character we perceive ourselves to be. You'll get way more out of upgrading yourself from "socially awkward" to "deep thinker" than you will out of attemting to jump in socially (meet ups, etc.) without first having done any internal work.
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Hi PeterPan.
As far as looking for people there is always OKCupid; also, to get started on poly in general there is a couple of books/websites ...
... and if you keep reading and posting on this forum, it will help you.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
As far as looking for people there is always OKCupid; also, to get started on poly in general there is a couple of books/websites ...
... and if you keep reading and posting on this forum, it will help you.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.