BirdbutnotaPenguin
New member
Last time I posted Lion and I were having some issues because of his breakup with his other partner. When I went to go see him I felt really ignored, and felt less-than. We talked about me finding a play partner in my city to keep my occupied while he needed space. That didn't last very long, because I wanted to be closer to Lion, and not closer to new play partner.
I talked to lion a few weeks ago and told him that I "felt like im lying when I call you my boyfriend, because you aren't acting like one."
And that resonated with both of us. Since then we have broken up? Kind of? He said hes "Not giving up, but backing up" while he deals with his emotional state.
He (and my sister) are coming out to see me next week for my Graduation, and im finding myself feeling very confused. I dont know how to bring up the conversation of "so are we fucking or not...?" because we have been rather intentionally avoiding the topic since we are 'trying to take things slow' while he figures himself out.
Also, im leaving to move to Thailand in 4 weeks, and this weird space he and I are in leaves me feeling so incredibly insecure and replaceable. There is no certainty in anything but the present moment, but at least when we were on solid footing we had plans in place to try and maintain closeness...
Now im feeling like a second thought to him.. and I hate HATE hate to say this, but if he were to start seeing someone while I was gone I would feel crushed, and I dont like that. I dont want to be a hog for his love, but it just hurts that he was so willing to put aside what he and I have, and with me being on the other side of the planet im terrified.
Im not really sure what im asking for with this post, but I just want to share whats going on with people who might get what im feeling...
I talked to lion a few weeks ago and told him that I "felt like im lying when I call you my boyfriend, because you aren't acting like one."
And that resonated with both of us. Since then we have broken up? Kind of? He said hes "Not giving up, but backing up" while he deals with his emotional state.
He (and my sister) are coming out to see me next week for my Graduation, and im finding myself feeling very confused. I dont know how to bring up the conversation of "so are we fucking or not...?" because we have been rather intentionally avoiding the topic since we are 'trying to take things slow' while he figures himself out.
Also, im leaving to move to Thailand in 4 weeks, and this weird space he and I are in leaves me feeling so incredibly insecure and replaceable. There is no certainty in anything but the present moment, but at least when we were on solid footing we had plans in place to try and maintain closeness...
Now im feeling like a second thought to him.. and I hate HATE hate to say this, but if he were to start seeing someone while I was gone I would feel crushed, and I dont like that. I dont want to be a hog for his love, but it just hurts that he was so willing to put aside what he and I have, and with me being on the other side of the planet im terrified.
Im not really sure what im asking for with this post, but I just want to share whats going on with people who might get what im feeling...