Being polyamorous in a small community

K

Kae

New member
My main issue is that in a small town/community/country, there'll simply be less diversity. Fewer people that fill up the smaller groups of society, like poly people.

How to deal with that?

If it's true that it's harder to find people like you in that situation, should you try harder to present people with polyamory and get them to try it out?

I guess I feel like if I'm really strict about it and wear the badge proudly, I'll be reducing my chances...

Or maybe just the opposite, I'll instead only attract those that really are like me and save me all the trouble. I don't know! :confused:
 
I just live my life and what will be will be.

I have never had to go searching for anyone. The right people tend to find me in real life.

For example I met Murf while out attending events w/o Butch with friends. When he asked me out on a date I explained my situation and left it up to him if he wanted to date me. 3 years later we have never been happier.

I live in BFE coal country of PA. The population here in my town is less than 7,000. I tend to not worry about trying to find people who fit nice little neat labels, scenes, groups or what have you, but try to appreciate people as individuals.
 
I used to think it was absolutely neccessary to meet someone in the poly community. Exept the poly community in my country is really small. Then I went on holidday and met SO, a monogamous who never had a real relationship in his life. You would not think that was a recipie for success, but here we are, planning our lives together. I never wore a badge, I just wore my wedding ring and before we even kissed I told him about poly and how much truthfulness mean to me.

Regardless of where you live, it is important to find a few friends who you connect with. They can be poly or whatever, as long as they are interested in you and your life.
 
I am actually more wary of dating polyfolk than I am about dating people who don't even know what poly is. I just usually hit it off with open-minded people. I was a monogamist for most of my life, and I've known many open-minded monogamists; polyamorists haven't cornered the market on open-mindedness. A lot of people who label themselves poly and hang out mostly in poly circles can be way more wrapped up in dogma and into rules than what I am comfortable with.
 
Hi Kae,

Re (from OP):
"I guess I feel like if I'm really strict about it and wear the badge proudly, I'll be reducing my chances ..."
Click to expand...

Why do you feel like that? Surely you don't advocate stealthily getting people to accept poly.

Seek to make friends first ... Worry about romance later. Is my advice.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Kae said:
My main issue is that in a small town/community/country, there'll simply be less diversity. Fewer people that fill up the smaller groups of society, like poly people.

How to deal with that?
Click to expand...

Yep. Small community means less diversity and naturally more conservative approaches towards relationships. If you're talking very small community then there are dar fewer single people, too, because being single sucks when there are so few potential new partners out there and the only lively social circles are primarily comprised of couples who'll be more comfortable talking amongst each other than to the shifty person who can't find a mate.

Assuming you won't be ostracized for being poly then this is one approach: Be bold, be open, get talking to people about it and talking amongst themselves about it. In time it'll bring out those that are interested.
 
My husband (who I have referred to as A) has run into this issue in our fairly small town. We are not open about being non-monogamous. It may cause problems at work, B (my sometimes-other-boyfriend/lover...) and A both work in the same squadron in the navy. We are also not ready to open up to our families. While we aren't necessarily strictly secretive about it, we don't just go telling anyone.

Anyway, my husband is very interested in trying to find a girl, but he has had trouble figuring out what to say when women ask "So are you married? Kids?" He doesn't want to lie, but the conversation shifts completely when he answers truthfully. My advice to him was to try to see if you hit it off with someone, and then if they ask just be very honest. Something like "Yes I'm married with kids, and my wife and I have explored the option of non-monogamy." Very casually bringing it up like its not a big deal. The worst that can happen is they'll think your nuts right? I think his biggest worry is that the person will instantly think he's a douche or swinger or some other negative connotation with non monogamy. Idk if this helps at all, but your not alone. I think it might be easier to let it happen naturally rather than going out seeking someone, although it takes more patience.
 
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