Best way to tell my mono crush that I'm poly?

[Osum]

Hi all
I like a Guy called Teddy. He was introduced to me via fb by my poly lover Pianoman (for help with a car- Teddy didnt know i had a thing going with Pianoman). When I met Teddy we briefly talked about the fact we are both divorced & I told Teddy I see Pianoman part time but i got shy & couldnt manage to say "we are poly".
Since then Pianoman has said to me 'Teddy would be a good match for you'.
I agree Teddy is a great match for me in many ways but i am worried that poly life will put him off.
I have started imagining conversations where I try to convince Teddy that Poly life with me wont be terrible and he wont be wracked with jealousy. As if I have any control over that! And actually Poly life can be a great thing, so why am i so focussed on the potential pitfalls? (Maybe due to the concerned look i get from all my mono friends when i mention poly life).

Does anyone have any tips for how to tell Teddy I am poly and to positively talk about it? & tell him i like him in a way thats not pressuring him in any particular direction?
Also i feel like i need to tell Teddy clearly that Pianoman has given the green light because i think the whole mono narrative of "getting with your friends lover is taboo" will be strong in his mind.
(I can see that i am catastrophizing without any indication that Teddy will have these reactions).

Also i worry my reasons for being poly dont sound inspirational but like band aid solutions.. am i imagining this?
These are my reasons:

1. I feel like i can be a better quality partner if i am a part time partner (because from experience i know i was too demanding and had too many expectations for my mono partners - it was hard for them to feel 'enough')

2. I need much more than average affection, touch and intimacy & I sometimes overflow with so much love /desire that previous mono partners have felt overwhelmed by me & couldnt keep up - so i feel its better for me to have more than one outlet for my affection.

3. I can love more than one person at a time and love them both meaningfully in different ways.


Thanks dear community

 

[Magdlyn]

Have you only met Teddy one time?

 

[Osum]

Yes.. I am wondering if it is a bit premature to say something so early but I also feel like being straight up from the beginning is the best idea.

 

[Bluebird]

Id just send a message to him, and say hey, I'm interested in you, but I wanna let you know I'm poly. I'd like to get to know you better - wanna meet up for a coffee?

 

[kdt26417]

Hello Osum,

I think you should sit Teddy down, and say, "Pianoman and I are polyamorous." Make room here in the conversation for any questions Teddy may have. Then, take a deep breath, and say, "Teddy, I have feelings for you. I don't mean to pressure you in any way, I just wanted to be honest about that."

No need to make things overly complicated.
Regards,
Kevin T.

 

[Osum]

I appreciate these responses all. They seem like logical things to say. I think it's about getting the courage to actually voice the fact i am taking on being poly as an identity. Thanks heaps

 

[Bluebird]

It was a little difficult for me at first, but what resonated inside was that this is who I am - it’s my identity. I’m not ashamed of it, and though it may make some relationships non-starters, being polyam isn’t something I need to keep a secret. If a guy rejects me because of that, it’s not a rejection of me as a person - we just aren’t compatible. It would be the same result if it was another deal-killer, like he wanted kids and I didn’t, if I wanted a stay at home partner and he was a jet-setter, etc. None of those reasons would require courage to voice, and being polyam shouldn’t either. Good luck!