Big changes in relationships

[Emmy37]

I do hope that things work out for all of you guys but I wonder about all of the children. It seems like the focus is on the adults getting time together and worrying about romantic dynamics. Don't the children also need time?

Emmy - your kids are young and by the sounds of things will be growing up in a situation where their mum is out of the house for long periods of time working. I know that money has to be earned but I think that also children need their adults to be around them lots, doing activities and sharing their worlds with them. It sounds like you will have very little time for those sorts of things. Less, for sure, if you are also trying to maintain romantic connections with Bud, Sweet Lady and as a group.

Children are, I think, needy and demanding of time. Relationships with children are high maintenance and very time time consuming from what I see. That's why I don't have any. I firmly believe that once a decision has been made to have them, the adults who made the choice have a responsibility. Any decisions about work, friendships, romance, living conditions need to be made with the children's needs as top priority.

Sweet Lady's children, I think, can only suffer in this situation. They can either leave their home and father to move with you guys or they can stay where they are and only see their mum at weekends. I think both those choices absolutely suck and I reckon that if asked the kids would prefer their parents to live close enough to each other that they can see both easily.

One of my friends is a step parent to a 14 year old who's mum gave him pretty much the same choice. He made the same choice as Sweet Lady's children. My friend reports that since all the changes in his life, he is suffering. He's not doing well at school and is likely to drop out. There are other behavioural problems as well. My friend and her partner have also pretty much ended their long term relationship and a large part of it is down to the stress that the abandonment of the 14 year old by his mother has created in all of their lives. I can't see that boy's mother as anything other than incredibly selfish.

In the past when I worked this schedule I would schedule meetings with clients around events the kids had going on. So even though I might be at work before they went to school I took an hour to go watch them at a school event, or a violin recital or a play then went back to work and made sure I was there to see them before they went to bed at night. On my time off we would do cooking projects, art projects, knit or crochet together, go fishing, play Uno etc. My time with Bud was what suffered because I would focus on kids during my down time. We made it work by reserving short periods of time after kids went to bed to just sit on the couch holding hands while we watched a movie or tv show. I'm sure the 3 of us now could do that after the move but once time has been given to the kids, time for the adults will be in short supply. That is why I initially asked about how to navigate it for the adults. It wasn't because I was only worried about the adult relationships.

You can see above the newest development for time between Sweet Lady and her children. It's all working out a little bit at a time. When I first started sorting it all out my brain was going 100mph so it was hard to see each of the individual things and tackle them one at a time.

The only thing still weighing heavily on me is my 2 shifts on Friday & Saturday with the crisis response team at work. In the past when I did 2 shifts I would try to call home at least once during the day to talk to Bud and the kids. But depending on the client, the crisis, whether or not we have more than one person in our crisis bed; it can be hard to step away to make that call. My boss has offered to come from his home in order to give me a 30 minute break to go home if I need to. So that also seems to be working itself out. My boss and I will be neighbors with the crisis bed less than 2 miles from both our homes.

 

[Inyourendo]

How did the move go?

 

[Inyourendo]

Any updates?

 

[WhatHappened]

As for Sweet Lady not living with her children, you're completely out of line with that statement too. .... In the end the kids really didn't want to leave their current school. One of them is halfway through her junior year, the other is in 8th grade. So she made the decision that was best for her children, not for herself. That happens when you're a parent. You have to think of someone other than yourself once in a while. But that doesn't mean it won't hurt to be away from them or that she won't miss them.

Is it out of line to have an opinion? When questions are stated on a public forum, it's sort of inviting opinions, isn't it?

You state this as if the only options were take them out of school or leave them. No, there was also the option of stay in their town near their schools, so she can be with them and you and Bud also stay there, or she can do a bit of long distance with Bud for a few years.

Frankly, I'm horrified at the 'kudos to her for giving up her children' sentiment. She's walked away from her children to be with a man. This does not deserve kudos. It's not an accomplishment deserving of 'kudos' to willingly choose to walk away from your children.

Is there a reason you and Bud couldn't have lived in that town with her? Is there a reason she couldn't have done long distance for awhile?

 

[Emmy37]

This thread is months old. Give it up already and move on. Has this forum not figured out by now that there won't be any updates? Go spend your time being less than nice to some other poor sucker who is dumb enough to come here looking for people to talk to. This idiot already learned the hard way not to tell this forum anything.

 

[Inyourendo]

This thread is months old. Give it up already and move on. Has this forum not figured out by now that there won't be any updates? Go spend your time being less than nice to some other poor sucker who is dumb enough to come here looking for people to talk to. This idiot already learned the hard way not to tell this forum anything.

Rude much? Best of luck to you anyway

 

[Inyourendo]

Is it out of line to have an opinion? When questions are stated on a public forum, it's sort of inviting opinions, isn't it?

You state this as if the only options were take them out of school or leave them. No, there was also the option of stay in their town near their schools, so she can be with them and you and Bud also stay there, or she can do a bit of long distance with Bud for a few years.

Frankly, I'm horrified at the 'kudos to her for giving up her children' sentiment. She's walked away from her children to be with a man. This does not deserve kudos. It's not an accomplishment deserving of 'kudos' to willingly choose to walk away from your children.

Is there a reason you and Bud couldn't have lived in that town with her? Is there a reason she couldn't have done long distance for awhile?

Im guessing the lack of updates and the rude post means that the relationship imploded. I feel bad for her, sweet lady was clearly a cow girl and poor Emmy was being taken advantage of.

They were next door neighbors, sweet lady was at their house all the time and it sounded like the two separate households was cheaper than the move to the big house. The big house meant emmy would have to work all the time just to make ends meet. I don't fully understand why moving away which means more expenses and sweet lady abandoning her kids was a better option than staying put. Emmy had already given up her marital room so sweet lady could take over. I never understood why bud couldn't have gone back and forth between the two houses

 

[Livingmybestlife]

I remember how UN receptive people were to Emmy sweet lady and her husband. I think your assumptions are further proof how judgemental this site can be sometime. I remember numina and she was blasted, maybe this is just a case of twice burnt lesson learned.

 

[Inyourendo]

I remember how UN receptive people were to Emmy sweet lady and her husband. I think your assumptions are further proof how judgemental this site can be sometime. I remember numina and she was blasted, maybe this is just a case of twice burnt lesson learned.

I think people were concerned fir emmy because it sounded like she was being taken advantage of Emmys daughter was having a hard time having sweet lady in her space all the time and also concern ov sweet lady's children having abandonment issues. I think the people on this board were trying to get her to wake up and smell the coffee. I personally hoped she would advocate for her and her children's rights considering the multiple posts where she was emotional turmoil. Emmy simply didn't like that people weren't telling her what she wanted to hear, i dont think that was blasting her. I can't imagine a scenario where a parent abandoning their children to pursue an unnecessary move would be met with kudos

 

[kdt26417]

@ Emmy37 ... if it might help you can PM me, that way whatever you write would be in private. Perhaps I can help even if it's just with a listening ear?