Bisexual Pole Dancer

Z

zarazha

New member
I have recently accepted the fact that I am attracted to women as well as men. My boyfriend has accepted this and we have agreed to add a woman to our relationship. Some of my friends know, however most people don't. I don't tell people not because I'm afraid they won't accept me (my family told me many times growing up that if I was gay they wouldn't care) but rather because I am already in a loving relationship with my boyfriend so I feel that its just not their business.

However, my main conflict is this:

I am also a pole dancer. My classes are mainly composed of other women and the dances are sexual in nature. I view all the women there as close friends (much like sisters as opposed to sexually). However, I am nervous that if they were to know about my bisexuality they would treat me differently. The girls are awesome, and deep down I believe that they would accept it, but I just can't shake the feeling. I don't even plan on telling them, so there is no logical reason for me to be worried, however sometimes I just catch myself feeling awkward.

I guess I'm not necessarily looking for advice, but rather just wanted to dump my feelings and hope that my illogical thought process isn't as crazy as I make myself believe.
 
I find that people tend to be about as accepting of aspects of myself as I am. My friends reflect my self-perception. The only time someone can "make you" feel badly is when you have the same doubts about yourself - otherwise, you're impervious to criticism or weird vibes. I've been attracted to both men and women for decades (upon decades) and it rarely occurred to me that any one of my friends would feel weird about it or even think about it much, so I have never run into any kind of judgement. I just assume that bisexuality is old news to most people these days. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You set the tone for how people respond to you. If you are sure footed and confident about who you are, few (if any) judgements are going to come into your experience. The more you focus on how you feel about yourself, the less you worry about how you're perceived by others, the happier your life becomes.

BTW - great thread title. ;)
 
Last edited:
Be warned most women aren't going to want to be "added" to your relationship. Many bi women, especially those with experience in polyamory, refuse to date couples as a "package deal." I, for one, prefer to choose my own partners, male and female, rather than have them chosen for me. And, obviously, you are completely discounting lesbian women.

If you are unable to come out to your friends, how are you going to treat a girlfriend with the respect she deserves? Would you expect a girlfriend to remain a secret? I'm not saying you need to go around outing yourself to everyone you know, but if you're looking for a serious relationship with another woman, you'll need to be out and proud. Otherwise, you're just after casual sex on the down-low.

I find that straight women's reactions to my bisexuality tend to be either 1) they flirt with me more 2) they confess they aren't as "straight" as they seem. Many women are "heteroflexible," meaning they mostly like men but every now and again have found themselves attracted to women 3) they continue to respond to me as if we are two straight women, especially when I have a man in my life. They just kind of discount my gay side.
 
Hi zarazha,

I think that if your fellow dancers are your friends, they will accept you for who you are. Even if they knew you were bi. Of course, nothing in life is 100% certain, but that would be my feeling on the matter.

I wish you the best of luck and love, and hope you'll enjoy your time on our forum.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Your friends will accept you, if they are really friends.

But more than that, maybe, just maybe, there's someone in your life who will one day find out that their kid is gay. And maybe they've been kind of uncomfortable with gay folks, but because they knew you, and cared about you, they won't be that uncomfortable. You could save a family. Save a life. Just by being out.

Not for nothing do I say this... It is the bravery of all the LGBT folks who came before me, being out and proud in the 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s, that made a space for me, in the 90s, to add my voice to theirs. Every small voice lifted together, created a song that carried us through the incredible breakthrough yesterday.

I'm still on a high from this whole "full citizenship" thing, but it really does matter. If you have the inner strength and courage to come out, it will ripple out to something greater than you.

Of course, it's okay to take your time, move at your own pace, assess the risks. Be safe. Practice self- care.

But the day before you come out is so much harder than the day after.
 
When you say you are a pole dancer, do you mean that you pole dance just for exercise, or you're also employed as one?

I did gogo dancing through college, as a way to pay the bills. Plenty of the women there were bi, a few were lesbians, and a few definitely viewed themselves as "heteroflexible" before that was actually a word, so there was no problem with me being bi. There was a lot of sexual flexibility with my coworkers. I think it was probably a pre-requisite for the job.

However, if you're talking about women that you see in classes, then I wouldn't have any personal experience in that to talk about. But if I were you, I don't think I'd made an assumption that *all* your classmates are going to feel one way or the other - or that none of them are bi too. Some might have a problem with it. Some won't. I think a bigger question (at least for me) would be do you really want to be friends with someone who wouldn't want to be your friend, if she knew you were bisexual?
 
I would say about half the women I have dated and all my wife dated were bi. Some only wanted her attention, a couple liked the 3some. I would think that there are several bi in the class. They may not be interested in you and your bf as such. But they give you a friend to talk too. Don't prejudge them, let it come up casually, just for friend input
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top