PinkPig
Well-known member
Can we talk personal boundaries as they relate to poly? Specifically, what boundaries do you have in your romantic/sexual relationships? Maybe how you arrived at those boundaries (ie Did you have previous boundaries that were breached, or rules that you outgrew & tossed? etc.)
My reason for asking is that I'm struggling a bit with determining whether some of my boundaries are really beneficial to me/my relationships or are just residual vestiges from monogamy that would be better discarded.
I don't do rules per se. While I see value in rules within certain relationships (employee-employer, teacher-student, parent-child, etc.), I prefer to conduct my adult relationships without rules. My personal boundaries within a poly relationship are that I would like to know when my partner adds a new romantic or sexual partner, goes barrier free with a sexual partner for the first time, or makes decisions that entangles his/her life with another partner (marriage, cohabitation, ttc, etc.)
Currently, I'm only in relationship with Blue (hetero poly m) though I just reopened my OKC profile. Where I'm struggling is the boundary of needing to know when my partner adds a new romantic partner. Sexual partner affects my health, so yes, I need to know that (regardless of whether we are using barriers, it's still relevant information, imo.) But, do I really need to know when he goes out on a date for the first time? I want to know... but do I need to know? If it's not affecting our time together, is it really relevant to our relationship?
ETA: In rereading this, these boundaries do read more like rules than boundaries since I am expecting certain behavior from my partner(s)....
My reason for asking is that I'm struggling a bit with determining whether some of my boundaries are really beneficial to me/my relationships or are just residual vestiges from monogamy that would be better discarded.
I don't do rules per se. While I see value in rules within certain relationships (employee-employer, teacher-student, parent-child, etc.), I prefer to conduct my adult relationships without rules. My personal boundaries within a poly relationship are that I would like to know when my partner adds a new romantic or sexual partner, goes barrier free with a sexual partner for the first time, or makes decisions that entangles his/her life with another partner (marriage, cohabitation, ttc, etc.)
Currently, I'm only in relationship with Blue (hetero poly m) though I just reopened my OKC profile. Where I'm struggling is the boundary of needing to know when my partner adds a new romantic partner. Sexual partner affects my health, so yes, I need to know that (regardless of whether we are using barriers, it's still relevant information, imo.) But, do I really need to know when he goes out on a date for the first time? I want to know... but do I need to know? If it's not affecting our time together, is it really relevant to our relationship?
ETA: In rereading this, these boundaries do read more like rules than boundaries since I am expecting certain behavior from my partner(s)....
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