Let's be honest I have no idea what I'm doing but I figured I could use advice, help, learn from this site.
A little about me. 27 year old girl in UT. I'm recently married as of last month actually. (I know congratulations, thank you very much.
) my husband and I have been together for 4 years now and about a year and a half ago right after we got engaged we started an open relationship. He travels a lot for work and is always gone and loves the mystery of meeting someone and getting to know them. Me being a huge fan of psychology, I understand that we aren't biologically bred to be monogamous and that we will never be able to give our main partner 100% of what they need. So, I told him he could start seeing other people too. Just to keep me in the loop of what as going on. Well, I had the option too. However I don't like the whole hook up thing like he does. I like to invest myself into people.
So, about two-three months ago (before I am to be married) I actually reached out to find someone to date and hopefully be my boyfriend. My now husband thought it was wonderful I was finally looking for someone I can spend time with and build a relationship with to have when he's not home. So, after wedding threw people who I knew just wanted sex, whose personality wouldn't fit with mine and who wouldn't be willing to actually share and be in a relationship with me knowing I'm going to be getting married. I ended up with 3 people.
I went out on dates with all three of them keeping them informed I was actually dating 3 potential people like i would do when I was single. I easily weeded out one right away when he told me he couldn't be with me if he couldn't get rid of my now husband. Took him about 3 dates to figure that out. after another week or so of dates I sadly had to let the other one know I couldn't date him we just weren't clicking like someone should with their partner.
so here I am lucky to have found the partner who is giving me what my husband cant and he is very into that fact that he is sharing me with my husband. he is at the same spot as myself and husband, good job, owns a home, car, stable close to our age. Everything seems fine he is even very committed to me wants to be my boyfriend. Oh they also, get along and message each other and hang out occasionally, they're friends and enjoy telling each other about their time with me.
Now once I realized this I started doing a lot of research on how to be in a poly relationship what kinds there are and do's and don'ts and ways to help the others when I am in this spot. I know I need to be really careful with privilege and I've read a lot about the Unicorn and the hunters. lol. My partner and husband seem to be on the same page as things go. I know we already made some mistakes like rules for him ... so I've taken time to re construct those rules. kind of and am looking for advice if what I'm doing is right or okay?
So we HAD some rules, I have a curfew, husband out ranks boyfriend, no sex without a condom, no trying to get me pregnant, keep finances separate, our family is more important thank his. Which at first I was like this is fair (WRONG) and he was 100% with all of them. As I started reading and researching because I started to really get feelings for him and we started progressing. I realized some rules needed to change.
I no longer have a curfew I stay the night with him most the time my husband is gone and with my husband when he's home sometimes I'll stay with the boyfriend when husband is home too because it's a turn on for him to know I might be getting 'jiggy' with it. I I feel that's very fair. Since none of of want a baby we are keeping the condom and not pregnant rule but not just for him for all of us as equals.
As for the last three rules husband and our family out rank and are more important and keeping our finances separate. I feel that's fair. I don't work so I don't contribute to any bills and when I am with my husband he pays for all of my needs and when I am with my boyfriend he pays for all of them as well. including trips or vacations we go on. I do the same with cleaning house and keeping up with typical wifely duties at both places.
I also think and have talked with the boyfriend and husband about this ... it's okay to have my husband and family out rank currently ... my reason being is that my boyfriend and I are still new and as time has gone on husband ranking has gone down and the longer we are together the less my husband will out rank my boyfriend. Eventually it will get to the 50/50 point. Boyfriend loves this idea and wants it to gradually grow to that. Says it feels more natural for him too. So, that works he knows I will and want things to be equal I already try as hard as i can to keep things 100% equal with times, love, attention, sex.
I guess my main question is am I being fair and I am starting this out right. I love this MFM Vee relationship that we have forming and I don't want it to end and based off of things neither do they. So sorry it's so long!
A little about me. 27 year old girl in UT. I'm recently married as of last month actually. (I know congratulations, thank you very much.
) my husband and I have been together for 4 years now and about a year and a half ago right after we got engaged we started an open relationship. He travels a lot for work and is always gone and loves the mystery of meeting someone and getting to know them. Me being a huge fan of psychology, I understand that we aren't biologically bred to be monogamous and that we will never be able to give our main partner 100% of what they need. So, I told him he could start seeing other people too. Just to keep me in the loop of what as going on. Well, I had the option too. However I don't like the whole hook up thing like he does. I like to invest myself into people. So, about two-three months ago (before I am to be married) I actually reached out to find someone to date and hopefully be my boyfriend. My now husband thought it was wonderful I was finally looking for someone I can spend time with and build a relationship with to have when he's not home. So, after wedding threw people who I knew just wanted sex, whose personality wouldn't fit with mine and who wouldn't be willing to actually share and be in a relationship with me knowing I'm going to be getting married. I ended up with 3 people.
I went out on dates with all three of them keeping them informed I was actually dating 3 potential people like i would do when I was single. I easily weeded out one right away when he told me he couldn't be with me if he couldn't get rid of my now husband. Took him about 3 dates to figure that out. after another week or so of dates I sadly had to let the other one know I couldn't date him we just weren't clicking like someone should with their partner.
so here I am lucky to have found the partner who is giving me what my husband cant and he is very into that fact that he is sharing me with my husband. he is at the same spot as myself and husband, good job, owns a home, car, stable close to our age. Everything seems fine he is even very committed to me wants to be my boyfriend. Oh they also, get along and message each other and hang out occasionally, they're friends and enjoy telling each other about their time with me.
Now once I realized this I started doing a lot of research on how to be in a poly relationship what kinds there are and do's and don'ts and ways to help the others when I am in this spot. I know I need to be really careful with privilege and I've read a lot about the Unicorn and the hunters. lol. My partner and husband seem to be on the same page as things go. I know we already made some mistakes like rules for him ... so I've taken time to re construct those rules. kind of and am looking for advice if what I'm doing is right or okay?
So we HAD some rules, I have a curfew, husband out ranks boyfriend, no sex without a condom, no trying to get me pregnant, keep finances separate, our family is more important thank his. Which at first I was like this is fair (WRONG) and he was 100% with all of them. As I started reading and researching because I started to really get feelings for him and we started progressing. I realized some rules needed to change.
I no longer have a curfew I stay the night with him most the time my husband is gone and with my husband when he's home sometimes I'll stay with the boyfriend when husband is home too because it's a turn on for him to know I might be getting 'jiggy' with it. I I feel that's very fair. Since none of of want a baby we are keeping the condom and not pregnant rule but not just for him for all of us as equals.
As for the last three rules husband and our family out rank and are more important and keeping our finances separate. I feel that's fair. I don't work so I don't contribute to any bills and when I am with my husband he pays for all of my needs and when I am with my boyfriend he pays for all of them as well. including trips or vacations we go on. I do the same with cleaning house and keeping up with typical wifely duties at both places.
I also think and have talked with the boyfriend and husband about this ... it's okay to have my husband and family out rank currently ... my reason being is that my boyfriend and I are still new and as time has gone on husband ranking has gone down and the longer we are together the less my husband will out rank my boyfriend. Eventually it will get to the 50/50 point. Boyfriend loves this idea and wants it to gradually grow to that. Says it feels more natural for him too. So, that works he knows I will and want things to be equal I already try as hard as i can to keep things 100% equal with times, love, attention, sex.
I guess my main question is am I being fair and I am starting this out right. I love this MFM Vee relationship that we have forming and I don't want it to end and based off of things neither do they. So sorry it's so long!
