Well I'm sure it can, but I'd love to hear from anyone who has experienced it, successful or otherwise.
I'm a 36yo straight mono man, and I've been with my wife for 11 years now, we have two young children. We've always had a great relationship, and we've always been mono. Well, I think she has probably always been poly actually, but it's not a word we were familiar with and not something we've done. However all of her previous relationships did end with her having an affair (not that I think that's what all poly people do, but it probably had something to do with it).
Over the last couple of years she read about poly, realised that's what she was and said that she had to do something about it, and recently she started going to a poly club, and hanging out online and found someone she was seeing. I was fine with this and none of it was done in secret. However I deliberately didn't listen to details as I didn't really want to know. Then one day I realised the relationship had developed a bit further than I was expecting and I fell apart. Insecurity, jealousy, insomnia, anxiety. No fun.
That relationship ended soon after, not necessarily because of me but I think she might have tried harder to make it work if I hadn't been finding it so tough. We got through that, and things were fine between us again. However we both knew it wasn't going to go away. Anyway she just published a new post in her community outlining exactly what it is she's looking for in a new partner. She showed it to me, nothing is done in secret here. It's basically a description of everything I am not, which I guess makes sense seeing as she already has me. And once again I've fallen apart.
She's getting really angry and frustrated with me, because I keep saying it is fine (I want it to be), and then every now and again I can't help bursting into tears in front of her. I have no intellectual or ethical problem with poly, but I'm having real trouble with the instinctive and emotional side.
For the first time now I'm wondering if we can ever make this work. I really want to because she's the best person I've ever met, I love her, and we're great together. Plus we have kids, I can't give up on this now. I'm pretty sure that spending the rest of her life mono with me is not an option, so the question is can I cope with her poly?
I'd especially love to hear from someone who was in the same position as me and made it work, and also anyone else who can share their experience of this.
I'm a 36yo straight mono man, and I've been with my wife for 11 years now, we have two young children. We've always had a great relationship, and we've always been mono. Well, I think she has probably always been poly actually, but it's not a word we were familiar with and not something we've done. However all of her previous relationships did end with her having an affair (not that I think that's what all poly people do, but it probably had something to do with it).
Over the last couple of years she read about poly, realised that's what she was and said that she had to do something about it, and recently she started going to a poly club, and hanging out online and found someone she was seeing. I was fine with this and none of it was done in secret. However I deliberately didn't listen to details as I didn't really want to know. Then one day I realised the relationship had developed a bit further than I was expecting and I fell apart. Insecurity, jealousy, insomnia, anxiety. No fun.
That relationship ended soon after, not necessarily because of me but I think she might have tried harder to make it work if I hadn't been finding it so tough. We got through that, and things were fine between us again. However we both knew it wasn't going to go away. Anyway she just published a new post in her community outlining exactly what it is she's looking for in a new partner. She showed it to me, nothing is done in secret here. It's basically a description of everything I am not, which I guess makes sense seeing as she already has me. And once again I've fallen apart.
She's getting really angry and frustrated with me, because I keep saying it is fine (I want it to be), and then every now and again I can't help bursting into tears in front of her. I have no intellectual or ethical problem with poly, but I'm having real trouble with the instinctive and emotional side.
For the first time now I'm wondering if we can ever make this work. I really want to because she's the best person I've ever met, I love her, and we're great together. Plus we have kids, I can't give up on this now. I'm pretty sure that spending the rest of her life mono with me is not an option, so the question is can I cope with her poly?
I'd especially love to hear from someone who was in the same position as me and made it work, and also anyone else who can share their experience of this.