Can triads really work

I don't think you sound necessarily codependent, maybe you're just very much in love, and interdependent.

My gf and I are sickeningly in love. lol. We spend tons of time together. But we also both have a healthy independent streak, we both like alone time, we like dating others, we have some friends not in common. I think you need this to be successfully poly. You need to be OK if your nesting partner goes out without you, or wants alone time in your house with his OSO. Some newly poly people think they will just need to have a date with another if their nesting partner has a date. I do like it when it works out this way, but it only happens a percentage of the time. So I'm fine being alone, or having a friend over, or going out with friends, while she's at her bf's.

Pixi and I have a small ranch house, but it has a full renovated basement with a family room/media room. So when a bf comes over, she might spend an hour or so with us when he gets here, talking (unless he and I are hot to trot, then we go to the bedroom). But then she'll go downstairs and do her thing and let me and bf have the upstairs to ourselves. So we can even have sex in the living room or kitchen if we want lol. Or just be able to talk to each other one on one.
 
My partner cheated on me in spite of us not being monogamous as an important part of forming our relationship. If you think poly can prevent cheating, so you're courting it to avoid hurt, it won't work. Cheating is dishonesty and a person who is ok with it, will not avoid it because you are now poly. For example, what if you are poly, but he likes your friends and they are not "ok people" for him to date? Would he avoid sex with them or avoid telling you?

Cheating dumps a lot of poison into a relationship and it is a natural instinct to want to avoid it by being ok with the alleged reason for it. It also takes a long time to heal from it and to be build trust again.

I would really rethink this.

If, as a couple, you are fine together, but are interested in poly, it is a different thing. If this is about being poly because you'd prefer knowing than being cheated on, you're signing up for heartbreak.

Frankly, after cheating, I'd be really, really wary about poly. Being a hinge is a lot of emotional work, and he has already shown that he's willing to take the easy way rather than the right way. The lies that hurt are not necessary only about other relationships, they can happen about details in relationships that should be communicated as well, for example.

Think this through carefully, because it will be much harder to close the relationship after opening.
 
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