Hannahfluke
Member
I so understand the fear of saying the words "I love you" to a partner. My OSO and I have dated, on and off, for the last 7 years (about 2 years in the beginning, a 2 or 3 year break, and about 2 years this time, with it going from FWB to a more emotionally entangled D/s relationship last summer). I told him once that I loved him the first time we dated. This time, we have chatted in instant messenger about how we feel about each other, but I just barely actually said the words "I love you" in person again about 2 months ago. Which is so incredibly different than I usually am. I tell my children I love them every day, usually multiple times per day. I tell my husband I love him at least once every time I see him. My last boyfriend I told him daily that I loved him, by text if we weren't together, verbally if we were.
I'm wondering if some of what is influencing my hesitancy to verbally say I love you to my other partner is also affecting your ability to say it to AnotherArtist (I see a lot of simularities between what I've gone through and what you post about when I read your blog). My husband and I have been struggling in our relationship for a few years, I have a hard time feeling connected enough to be intimate either physically or emotionally with him because of those struggles, which have affected my opinion of myself as a loveable person. In addition, my last boyfriend and I had a relationship that immediately felt very connected, very intimate, incredibly passionate relationship, which, admittedly was the cause of some of the issues my husband and I have had to work through. When that boyfriend broke up with me, it was another ding in how I viewed myself and how loveable I am.
So when my other partner and I started getting more serious last summer, there were a lot of internal issues I had to deal with that I didn't have to when we were mostly friends. I dealt with anxiety that moving our relationship to a more romantic one would cause him to discover he hated me. I was afraid to let myself trust that he cared about me, because it felt like I was exposing myself to vulnerability in a way that hadn't gone well for me for a while. I would find myself shaking and on the verge of tears because my partner would do something fairly innocent that triggered my fears built around the loss of my husband's affection and the total loss of my boyfriend. I had (and still have) trouble with allowing myself to be vulnerable with my other partner. That, combined with a fear of overwhelming my partner emotionally (he has his own issues with love too) has lead me to not telling him often that I love him.
If I remember correctly, you and Knight have been struggling with issues in your relationship. And in your last relationship you often felt like you weren't important to Dinoactivist (sorry if I got the nickname wrong, if I remember correctly you felt like you didn't measure up somehow a lot of the time. And Hipster boy seemed like a passionate, amazing relationship for you that crashed and burned badly. I can see all those things leading to anxiety about telling someone you love them, because they have affected how you view love and romantic relationships and your ability to allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable (my experiences definately affect my ability to be emotionally vulnerable). I could be totally off base, but I thought I'd share my experiences and viewpoint in case it would help you define and explain what's happening with you.
I'm glad you had such a good weekend away!
I'm wondering if some of what is influencing my hesitancy to verbally say I love you to my other partner is also affecting your ability to say it to AnotherArtist (I see a lot of simularities between what I've gone through and what you post about when I read your blog). My husband and I have been struggling in our relationship for a few years, I have a hard time feeling connected enough to be intimate either physically or emotionally with him because of those struggles, which have affected my opinion of myself as a loveable person. In addition, my last boyfriend and I had a relationship that immediately felt very connected, very intimate, incredibly passionate relationship, which, admittedly was the cause of some of the issues my husband and I have had to work through. When that boyfriend broke up with me, it was another ding in how I viewed myself and how loveable I am.
So when my other partner and I started getting more serious last summer, there were a lot of internal issues I had to deal with that I didn't have to when we were mostly friends. I dealt with anxiety that moving our relationship to a more romantic one would cause him to discover he hated me. I was afraid to let myself trust that he cared about me, because it felt like I was exposing myself to vulnerability in a way that hadn't gone well for me for a while. I would find myself shaking and on the verge of tears because my partner would do something fairly innocent that triggered my fears built around the loss of my husband's affection and the total loss of my boyfriend. I had (and still have) trouble with allowing myself to be vulnerable with my other partner. That, combined with a fear of overwhelming my partner emotionally (he has his own issues with love too) has lead me to not telling him often that I love him.
If I remember correctly, you and Knight have been struggling with issues in your relationship. And in your last relationship you often felt like you weren't important to Dinoactivist (sorry if I got the nickname wrong, if I remember correctly you felt like you didn't measure up somehow a lot of the time. And Hipster boy seemed like a passionate, amazing relationship for you that crashed and burned badly. I can see all those things leading to anxiety about telling someone you love them, because they have affected how you view love and romantic relationships and your ability to allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable (my experiences definately affect my ability to be emotionally vulnerable). I could be totally off base, but I thought I'd share my experiences and viewpoint in case it would help you define and explain what's happening with you.
I'm glad you had such a good weekend away!