I did write a long intro yesterday but when I hit submit, it said I wasn't logged in ( even though I was) so I'm assuming that it never ended up in the queue. So here's another go.
I haven't come up with monikers for my partners yet, so I'm going to use DH and SO for now.
I'm Skadhi, married to dh for about 20 years, I'm cis gender female pansexual and poly. Dh is cis gender, straight and currently id's as mono. SO is my lifelong male best friend, queer, doesn't ID as poly but was in an open marriage and is currently single. We're in a LDR as we now live in different parts of the country.
My general history is that, I've been in love with more than one person at the same time more than once. First time for sure, was back when dh and I were dating and I also fell in love with his best friend. At that point, I didn't know about poly so I felt torn to choose even though I didn't want to. This caused lots of guilty feelings on both my and his friends part as we did hide our more than friend feelings from dh.
I did come clean, we stopped what we were doing and dh and I got married. A couple years later, after we'd moved far away, I told my dh that I missed our friend and that I was in love with him and wanted him to live with us. DH looked at me like I was crazy, and ignored it. We just went on.
Then I fell in love with a girl I met online, but it was unrequited and dh was very understanding and sympathetic. I found out about poly about 15 years ago and he agreed that I could date women. I found someone I liked that also liked me back and that was poly but we couldn't work it out because I wasn't interested in her husband sexually and they didn't do things separately. Plus I was still agreed to dh no men rule.
Long period of life interfering, raising kids ect. I don't really seek out other relationships, I just want the ability to act on feelings when they happen. So a long dry spell. Lots of talking about poly still taking place though.
Fast forward to last year when I got back in touch with high school best friend. We'd lost connection over time with moves ect. BFF and I had a long history of being extremely close, but we never officially dated. I was close to his family growing up too. He and dh know each other. We had stayed friends for years after we each got married. When we got back in touch it was like no time had passed and we realized we were in love with each other. Dh is fine with it so it's been a very smooth transition so far. I've even come out to my adult child that lives at home with us, both as pansexual and as poly. So far we haven't been able to see each other due to the distance and our schedules.
So that's the semi short version.
Right now my biggest issue is the frustration I feel at the fact that SO is in the closet to his family regarding his relationship with me. His family knows our past history and knows that we had a past sexual relationship that was ongoing. He's acting as live in caregiver to his mom, whom I love and is like a second mom to me, but she would not approve of what we are doing. So, he can't leave her to see me. And he won't let me come there because he's hiding me from her. She does know we talk. But that's it. And I do think he's right that neither of us could hide our feelings from her if I came there. My husband says, he's willing to call her and tell her he's fine with it but I know SO doesn't want that LOL.
I haven't come up with monikers for my partners yet, so I'm going to use DH and SO for now.
I'm Skadhi, married to dh for about 20 years, I'm cis gender female pansexual and poly. Dh is cis gender, straight and currently id's as mono. SO is my lifelong male best friend, queer, doesn't ID as poly but was in an open marriage and is currently single. We're in a LDR as we now live in different parts of the country.
My general history is that, I've been in love with more than one person at the same time more than once. First time for sure, was back when dh and I were dating and I also fell in love with his best friend. At that point, I didn't know about poly so I felt torn to choose even though I didn't want to. This caused lots of guilty feelings on both my and his friends part as we did hide our more than friend feelings from dh.
I did come clean, we stopped what we were doing and dh and I got married. A couple years later, after we'd moved far away, I told my dh that I missed our friend and that I was in love with him and wanted him to live with us. DH looked at me like I was crazy, and ignored it. We just went on.
Then I fell in love with a girl I met online, but it was unrequited and dh was very understanding and sympathetic. I found out about poly about 15 years ago and he agreed that I could date women. I found someone I liked that also liked me back and that was poly but we couldn't work it out because I wasn't interested in her husband sexually and they didn't do things separately. Plus I was still agreed to dh no men rule.
Long period of life interfering, raising kids ect. I don't really seek out other relationships, I just want the ability to act on feelings when they happen. So a long dry spell. Lots of talking about poly still taking place though.
Fast forward to last year when I got back in touch with high school best friend. We'd lost connection over time with moves ect. BFF and I had a long history of being extremely close, but we never officially dated. I was close to his family growing up too. He and dh know each other. We had stayed friends for years after we each got married. When we got back in touch it was like no time had passed and we realized we were in love with each other. Dh is fine with it so it's been a very smooth transition so far. I've even come out to my adult child that lives at home with us, both as pansexual and as poly. So far we haven't been able to see each other due to the distance and our schedules.
So that's the semi short version.
Right now my biggest issue is the frustration I feel at the fact that SO is in the closet to his family regarding his relationship with me. His family knows our past history and knows that we had a past sexual relationship that was ongoing. He's acting as live in caregiver to his mom, whom I love and is like a second mom to me, but she would not approve of what we are doing. So, he can't leave her to see me. And he won't let me come there because he's hiding me from her. She does know we talk. But that's it. And I do think he's right that neither of us could hide our feelings from her if I came there. My husband says, he's willing to call her and tell her he's fine with it but I know SO doesn't want that LOL.
