cold water fear

K

korsakow

New member
L.S.

I am in doubt what to do with my situation.
I have a perfect relation for 21 years now with my wonderful girlfriend (41).
For 2 years now i am in love with a young friend of mine, who is 21.
2 weeks ago she told me the feeling is mutual.
My girlfriend is totally in the know of all this because I have been 100% honest about my feelings.
And as my young friend is a friend of our family, she informed my girlfriend herself about the feelings she has for me.
I speculated on this to happen in the last months.
My girlfriend was very supportif.
She is monogamous herself but, she is open-minded and not into creating barriers for me, although I feel that she is wondering what this all
will mean to her position.
It's new for all three of us.

I love these 2 women equally like you love your children equally.

Yesterday i saw my young friend for the first time since her "coming out."
I see her 2 times a month for 2 years now, but this time was very different.
I have felt the attraction in the last 2 or 3 tete a tetes, but this time there was firework all over the place.
I took her to the movie. (The Artist, maybe a bit too romantic :).) We had a nice dinner.
We must have given light in the dark, people were staring at us.

We discussed what to do with our attraction,
that not giving in to it is like dancing on a volcano.
but i couldn't kiss her.
I got nervous and was in a hurry to get away.
I only managed to give her a very quick kiss.
I wonder if it's fear for disappointment. She feels like a twin soul to me.
(Even my girlfriend used this comparison.)
or if it's to soon
for me
for my girlfriend
Maybe I feel as if its the age difference (24 years)
as if i'm a dirty old man
or it feels like cheating, which I'm certainly not
or that all this is to good to be true and I'm waiting for someone to pinch me awake
It's so strange to see that I am choking.
Am I afraid that maybe the sexual component will start to get me out of my current equilibrium?
That I wonder where all this will end
because it's growing and growing and I am not sure if things wont get out of hand?
In Holland we call this cold water fear.
I think you know what i mean by now.
I would like to hear the opinions and/or experiences
from members of this forum.
 
Hi there!

I think its very natural and normal to be nervous. Congratulations to you for your honesty with your girlfriend. It sounds like both of these women are great people and that everyone has been responsible, caring, and adult about this.

There's no need to rush things. Continue to take your friend out on dates and see what happens. You don't need to rush into sex if it feels threatening, and in fact waiting can make it all the more enjoyable in the end.

As for wanting to read the experiences of others, try the Life Stories and Blogs section of this site.

You may also find useful ideas at www.morethantwo.com, which is a website of essays about polyamory organized by topic.

Good luck!
 
hi annabel

thx for your remarks and the link you posted
and you're right:these 2 women are wonderfull indeed!
 
Sometimes it's easiest to stop over-thinking and over-analyzing, and just let things happen.

It sounds like there's good communication all around, lots of support and empathy, so there's no reason this won't all work out for the best, given its own time and space to grow naturally.

Regarding the age difference: Way to go! ;) I personally think age differences are over-rated. As long as everyone is sexually mature and consenting, then it's all good. A lot of women prefer the experience and wisdom of older guys. And needless to say, younger women have that magical youthfulness that is inevitably lost with maturity and wisdom. I like older partners, and I'll take wisdom and experience over tight skin and perky tits any day, but that's just me :p
 
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