Communication is key!

[Vendividiamavi]

Well for starters I would like to say that we have yet to act on these desires because we would like for it to happen naturally if at all. So after talking out our issue with my introductory post, we realized that we still definitely want to give this a go, it just needed to be more communicated that neither of us saw this or saw that the other one saw it as just a way to sleep with multiple people. I've realized all my stubborn habits and emotions in the past are definitely not good for long term relationships, and I've learned to communicate my feelings with my significant other. Even monogamous people could learn a lot from reading into polyamory.

Anyways the soul reason I'm writing this is because we both don't want to force ourselves or anyone else into a mish-mashed relationship. We feel we should become mutual friends with somebody and then if either of us feels a connection letting them know the deal.

So here is my conundrum/paradox: how do you explain polyamory to someone that has only ever seen/heard of both monogomy and polygamy (especially the latter, I feel that would be the first thought to many people and I don't want to be associated with under age arranged marriages)? How do I make it seem as natural as it is without making them feel as if I'm infringing on their free will? I mean I can be persuasive in many areas but I don't want to persuade people to go against their beliefs, I'd rather not be an immoral human being.

Tldr; how to describe polyamory to a mono in a way that doesn't scare them/ persuade them to do something they ultimately don't want to do. Cuz love, amirite?

 

[KC43]

"My partner and I are polyamorous. That means we sometimes have relationships with people in addition to each other. Everything is completely open, and we make sure to communicate and agree about what's happening. We don't do anything behind each other's backs, and when we have other partners, we make sure we're open and honest with them as well."

That's how I explained it to my mother when I came out to her... though I didn't say "my partner and I are polyamorous" because Hubby isn't.

It would be a bit different if you were explaining it to someone you have an interest in, but in that case you might add, "If you're okay with it, I/we am/are interested in you, and would like to start as friends and see if anything develops. But it's your choice; if you aren't comfortable with it, we won't push it."

When I came out to Hubby, he was the one who actually put the label "polyamory" on what I was feeling, and he was the one who told me it was okay that I'd fallen in love with a guy who was supposed to be just a friend with benefits. Hubby reads a LOT of science fiction; that was where he'd encountered the concept of polyamory, because it's apparently a thing in some fantasy and sci fi stories. So if you happen to run into someone who's a fan of those genres, you might have an easier time explaining...

 

[kdt26417]

Hi Vendividiamavi,

I would start with the simplest statement possible, something like, "I am nonmonogamous, I hope that's okay," and just be ready and willing to answer any questions. Everyone will be different in what they get, and what they need more info on.

Regards,
Kevin T.