Compersion

A

Ariakas

Bosun
So been doing enm for 25 years, and poly for 14. Outside of threesomes, I have never felt compersion. 99% of the time I dont feel jealousy (except for the current moment in time, but thats roots in my own confidence) but I also dont feel compersion. My wife and/or girlfriend both get super excited and happy when they hear about any extra person interaction. Heck they downright encourage it.

In technology I am constantly embracing change, especially in cyber security.

With compersion its a "not again" feeling. Of negotiating time, ensuring boundaries are clear and adapting. I have a hard time selflessly looking at a net new thing since its always impactful.

Curious if others are flat lined to compersion? I wish I could enjoy it and the process.. it looks fun
 
Hello Ariakas,

Haha, I don't know whether I feel compersion or not. When Snowbunny is getting along well with Brother-Husband, I think, "Oh good." When they're not I think, "Oh, that's a shame." I don't have terribly noticeable feelings one way or another. I am a selfish person, my first question is always, "Are my needs being met." I am not opposed to Snowbunny's relationship with Brother-Husband, I'm just focused on me. You tell me whether that counts as compersion.

I know you know this, but I'll say it: Compersion is not requisite in polyamory. It's a nice extra when you can get it. Now is jealousy a concern, yes it is, you have to get to the root of what's causing the jealousy, and it might be a very legitimate concern that you are being given the very short end of the stick. In other words sometimes you *should* feel jealous, that is you should recognize if/when you are being treated unfairly.

So you're not doing anything wrong, in my opinion. You're just "missing out" on something that must be wonderful to feel. I say "must be," because it doesn't feel like anything that special to me, and I don't know whether that's compersion or not. Most of the time it's at least not jealousy, and I guess that's my main concern. You seem to be saying that a new relationship is a whole new set of logistics, and as such, is a pain. I can appreciate that.

Just some thoughts,
Kevin T.
 
So I’ve never really been THAT all about the compersion either, other than a bit of giggles here and there when an early date went well. Hell, I think I feel something closer to compersion about my partner(s)’ career successes than I do their relationship changes. This may be because neither of them are wildly talkative about how their relationships are going, which honestly works except it doesn’t give me a lot to be compersive about. Work, on the other hand, I end up with a lot more details and get more of a “yay, someone else appreciates them almost as much , if in a very different way, than I do.”

Meanwhile, the phrase itself has an interesting history…https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/s/bPnZ6mhpU2
 
icesong said:
So I’ve never really been THAT all about the compersion either, other than a bit of giggles here and there when an early date went well. Hell, I think I feel something closer to compersion about my partner(s)’ career successes than I do their relationship changes. This may be because neither of them are wildly talkative about how their relationships are going, which honestly works except it doesn’t give me a lot to be compersive about. Work, on the other hand, I end up with a lot more details and get more of a “yay, someone else appreciates them almost as much , if in a very different way, than I do.”

Meanwhile, the phrase itself has an interesting history…https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/s/bPnZ6mhpU2
Click to expand...
Interesting. Thats kinda cool, in a weird 70s cult vibe kind of way. I always feel compersion for work, sports successes etc.

Even if their work might impact my schedule. hmmmmm
 
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