Confused

Polyglamorous

Polyglamorous

New member
Have y'all ever had things happen that made you think that maybe you're not polyamorous and maybe other relationships are lacking? I don't know I feel a lot of ways. First of all this is my first honest experience. Plus I'm nervous it could just be NRE, but then there's that small part that's wondering if maybe I think I'm polyamorous because I just haven't found the right person. I'm a little confused. I'm also worried about the responses. I fear words like serieal monogamist may be used. Or maybe it's my mono upbringing or being a hopeless romantic (not that you can't be a hopeless romanantic and polyamorous) Thank you for reading and responding in advance.
 
Being polyamorous doesn't mean everybody is the right person. It's hard to find the right people.

BTW, I'm poly, a former serial monogamist, and a hopeless romantic...lol
 
One thing I've always thought polyamory embraced was the realization that it's unrealistic for one person to be able to offer everything for another person. So with that said, it would never be possible to find "the one", because they realistically don't exist. With ethical non-monogamy, you can be engaged with different people who offer different things, and in this way, be potentially more fulfilled than with just one person.

Instead of viewing people as trying to fit a mold, view them and enjoy them for the person they are.

But I guess more importantly, what do you mean by lacking? In what way are your relationships lacking?
 
Hi Polyglamorous,

It sounds like you are experiencing some confusion about whether you are truly poly, or just looking for the right person to be monogamous with. My suggestion would be to take a look at the relationships you have, ask yourself what each one brings to you in your life, and whether you'd be willing to give that up. Sometimes being poly is just a state of mind, it's not something you have to be, but it's something you can be.

Just some thoughts,
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
One person is my best friend and I couldn't imagine my life with out him, but we don't have much of a sexual connection at all. So the idea of polyamory appealed to me due to that. Among other reasons.
 
That makes sense.
 
Yeah, how strongly to identify with poly has been an issue for me over the course of my life.

I've come to an understanding that for many people including myself, polyamory is a lifestyle choice, not a romantic orientation. I generally choose to conduct my relationships in a polyamorous fashion because I think it provides for overall better opportunities to satisfy my emotional and sexual needs, and because it allows for more flexibility in the ways that relationships can grow and develop. But at the same time if I met somebody who seemed amazing enough to me, I might be willing to be their monogamous partner, and I have been in monogamous relationships in the past. Also note that monogamy is not an absolute thing. Two people can have poly inclinations but still agree to a monogamous relationship with each other for a period of time.
 
I'd say don't worry about the labels. Have the relationships you feel the need to have and the descriptors will fall into place.

To describe the flip side of your labeling problem, I have had only one partner since I openly called myself poly, though I've been interested in a few people on and off and my partner had a brief relationship that has him currently choosing to be "ethically monogamous" (his rebellion from the conditioned monogamous) as suitable for his relationship needs. But I am not monogamous, because there is absolutely no expectation of exclusivity. We just happen to be happy with each other for now and no one else is tempting as well as interested. What does it matter what we are called? We are together, currently not with others, open to possibilities. It is Schrödinger's polyamory :p

What matters is that we love, we feel loved and we are free to love as we wish.
 
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