Could seriously use some help with extremely messed up situation

W

Wiccan87

New member
K to start with sorry about my grammar I don't like writing will be a hard read.
K so just over a year ago marriage was opened up to poly. relationship with my wife and her partner are all doing well even considering the issues bellow. some issues with the house we were renting came up about a month later and ended up having to move. so we moved in with my wife's partner. Long time friend and off and on lover.
About the same time as house issues started up my step daughter had a mental breakdown and made some accusations. The accusations have all been proven false. However with her mental state the court says she still can not be allowed in the same house as me and the living situation she is currently in is not ideal and no family or Foster home with some of her problems are willing to take her. It is looking like the only options are for her to stay in the house she is in till it falls through and she goes into worse and worse homes until she turns 18 (4 years) or for my wife and I to separate for her to return home with her.
However we also have a 3 yo son and I am the major income source for the entire household and wife and her partner have disabilities and i have no friends or family in this state and could not afford to help them after vthe move with the job I have. I'm completely lost on what to do with my life and am beyond stressed out about everything.
 
Hi Wiccan87,

I take it your biggest problem is with your stepdaughter. For that I think you should schedule a consultation with a lawyer. Someone that specializes in family law. Is this your wife's daughter we're talking about?

It sounds like money is tight though I'm not sure how tight. Something about not being able to help your wife and her partner with their disabilities. I don't see a lot of options for you here, unless you want to take night classes and get a degree for a higher-paying job. Where do your friends and extended family live?

If you can keep us posted, I might be able to think of further advice.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
We are already dealing with the court system so lawyer is already involved both me and my wife have one and yes step daughter is my wife's daughter. money is real tight paying bills is there but no savings at all tight. And I moved from Utah so that is where all of my other support is at. And night classes could work in the long run but wouldn't help any time soon.
 
I am sorry :( I hope your stepdaughters mental health issues get somewhat better soon, so that you can all live together, or at least she's more capable of living on her own.
Wiccan87 said:
And night classes could work in the long run but wouldn't help any time soon.
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I know it's a shitty option, but can you take a loan to help support your family, while you look for career options?
Can your wife and her partner find part-time jobs, something they can do from home etc.? It's very hard to support a family of 5 on one income, if they can't work, sure there is social support available for them?
Can you rent a part of the house to get some extra income?
 
Are you not allowed to live on the same property as your stepdaughter or just not in the same residence? If possible, could you convert a garage or something into a studio apartment for yourself? Then you'd still be accessible to your small child, it would only add the renovation costs and increased utility usage, and everyone would (hopefully) be a little more stable. If you're not allowed within a certain range of stepdaughter, not so much an option.
 
Currently no contact at all so that wouldn't work either. Would have to be enough of a separation for the judge to see no contact.
 
What do your lawyers advise, if you don't mind my asking?

I would suggest taking night classes, so that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. And I would suggest moving everyone with you back to Utah, but I guess you'd be leaving your stepdaughter behind and you don't want to do that.
 
I am very sorry you deal in this.

Right now you support 5 people.

  • a small child, with small child needs.
  • A teen, with mental health issues.
  • two adults with disabilities.
  • You.

You have professionals involved -- lawyers, therapy, social services, etc. What is their suggestion?

Right now you are up against a limit. At this time? You cannot afford to maintain two separate homes in Colorado so the daughter can live in one and you in the other, and then wife/son can travel back and forth between the two.

It sounds like you have to let the stepdaughter stay where she is at for now. It's not ideal, but it is what it is right now. :(

You could focus on night classes so you can seek a job with a bigger paycheck. Then perhaps affording separate homes becomes an option.

The only question is -- do you want to do night classes here, while also building up a new support network?

Or do you want to move everyone back to Utah and take the night classes there, so you can access and use an already existing support network? Or is the daughter not allowed to leave Colorado?

If you all went back to Utah, could you pay for the home for the other 4 people, and live with a family member or friend in exchange for work around the house? Thus providing the required "2 separate homes?"

Galagirl
 
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