Connexions, jealousy and Pride
So, connexions in where I now find myself are BAD. Like really bad. But not as bad as in that Third World country Sweetheart wages war in. We haven't had a proper conversation in a LONG TIME. Whenever we catch each other on Skype, he drops off every so often. It is frustrating, to know he is out there and not able to communicate. He can read my e-mail but can't stay on long enough to write any of his own.
He regrets taking his new job, and for my own selfish reasons, I tend to silently agree. At least where he was stationed before, we were able to talk.
Also, I had a brief brush with jealousy the other day! I was scheduled to spend some time with Flattie but got off work early and went home earlier than we had agreed on. So Flattie was there with her OSO, which is cool - I had showed up earlier than I said I would, so I decided to take a nap and let them have some peace and quiet.
So the nap was longish. When I woke up, he was still there, and I heard them laughing in the other room and just generally having a good time. Combined with the nagging fear I've had recently of neglecting Flattie, I felt a tinge of it! Jealousy. Fear of losing someone I hold dear to another person, so that they would no longer like me as much as I like them.
So I took my time, arranged my room for a bit and waited till he was gone. And we talked about it with Flattie. She was sad that I had to feel that way and assured me that if ever the two of them want to be alone, they will go outside or into her room or whatever, and that I am always welcome to join them if they are just hanging out. Her therapist had asked her a while aback if we never get jealous of each other, her OSO and I, to which Flattie had proudly proclaimed that no, they don't do that
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I really don't want to impose on them. When they are together, she sits in his lap and entwines her fingers with his. Not the best 'come hang out with us' body language going on there, I might say. On the other hand, his wife said to Flattie once that me and Flattie are such a self-sustained unit that there really isn't room for anyone to come in between. So maybe this is a healthy phase in our relationship, where we both take a little space and time to make other connections also. I do look forward to moving back in with her, though.
Mum commented that if I want to work for the government at some point later, I might want to avoid being seen at Pride. 'Marching might win you justice but it sure as hell ain't gonna win you any jobs'. I might not be that interested in a job where I can't be seen at Pride.
She also asked if we lesbians have a sign by which we may know each other. A secret handshake or some such. I wish! Also, a secret poly codeword would come really handy sometimes.
